The Accident
by HawkFan
Summary: Hawkeye gets a phone call from Erin Hunnicutt - will he put aside the pain of the past to go help his friend? Slash
1. The Phone Call

6:00am found Hawkeye sitting on the beach watching the waves crashing onto the shore. He'd bolted awake shortly after 2:00am with the uneasy feeling something was wrong. The feeling was strong enough that he had got out of bed and padded down the hall to his dad's bedroom to check on him. His dad had been fine though only his head showing from under the blankets and snoring lightly.

The uneasy feeling had stayed with Hawkeye however so after an hour of trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep he had finally given up and got out of bed which was why he was now sitting on the beach behind the house he still shared with his dad watching the sun slowly rise. Of all the things he had missed about Maine while over in Korea watching the sunrise probably ranked #1. He smiled as he thought of how surprised his MASH 4077 buddies would be if they knew. The doctor they knew in Korea was a drinking jokester who proclaimed loudly that mornings should be abolished.

He smiled thinking of his MASH friends. He spoke regularly with Colonel Potter and Sydney and even heard from Radar every few months. Margaret even kept in touch every 6 months or so. Klinger sent out a Christmas letter every year but most surprising of all was Winchester. They never talked on the phone but he and Winchester had become regular writing buddies. They even managed to meet up with each other 2 or 3 times a year for dinner. As for BJ . . . well that was another matter entirely. Hawkeye quickly blocked out those emotions before they could cut too deep. He didn't know how much the others knew about the nature of his relationship with BJ but it certainly hadn't escaped his notice that the others never mentioned him – except for Klinger of course.

He had finally found an easy balance in his life. The bus incident had left permanent scars but with Sydney's help Hawkeye had finally been able to come to terms with and put that behind him. He still worked part-time with his dad as a physician in Crab Apple Cove and 3 days a week he worked at the hospital in Portland performing surgery. The only thing missing was that special someone to share it with. He had found that someone but . . . no Hawkeye thought forcefully. Don't go there.

"Hawk. Hawkeye?" his dad was calling him, his voice coming closer.

Hawkeye turned around to see his dad making his way down to the end of the grass which gave way to the sand of the beach.

"There's a phone call for you." His dad said.

"The hospital? Is there an emergency?" Hawkeye asked. Maybe that explained him waking up out of the blue so early this morning.

Dr. Daniel Pierce shook his head. "No not the hospital. But . . . it's a call you better take son."

Hawkeye watched his dad in silence a moment. It wasn't often his dad called him "son". And his dad wasn't quite meeting his eyes leading Hawkeye to believe it was something serious. Hawkeye got up brushing the sand off the seat of his pants and turned towards the house. He knew . . . he knew this call was behind his unorthodox wake-up this morning.

He walked into the house his father trailing behind him. He picked the phone up off the kitchen counter, paused briefly then finally brought the phone up to his ear. "This is Hawkeye."

"Daddy Hawk? It's Erin."

And just like that the pain he always experienced when thinking of BJ was back in a flash. It was Erin Hunicutt, BJ's daughter. His daughter too for a few years – a few good years – before things went haywire. He closed his eyes as the memories he always tried so hard to keep at bay came flooding back.

"Daddy Hawk? Are you still there?" Erin sounded concerned and upset.

Hawkeye shook his head tightly gripping the phone. He started to speak and realized nothing was coming out. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah, sorry. I'm here. It's been awhile Erin – how are you?"

"I'm okay considering. I'm afraid I have bad news. Dad was in an accident last night around 11:00pm. He's . . . well . . . he's not doing well." She was upset and from the tone of her voice Hawkeye guessed she was crying.

BJ had been in an accident. It happened around 11:00pm in California which would have been about 2:00am in Maine – when Hawkeye had bolted awake. Hawkeye was stunned – he thought the connection they had always seemed to share had been broken when their relationship fell apart. Apparently he was wrong.

"He's at San Francisco General Hospital in ICU. He just came out of surgery a little bit ago. The doctor said he's critical – they don't know yet if . . . if Dad's going to pull through." Erin paused trying to control her emotions. "The next few days . . . well anyway I just thought you would want to know."

"Thanks Erin I . . . thanks for calling me. Keep me posted okay? You're still at the same number?"

Erin sniffed. "Yeah . . . we never moved. Are you going to come out here?" She asked hesitantly – maybe even a little hopefully. Hawkeye wondered who was with her, comforting her.

Hawkeye didn't know. Their break-up had been hard on him. While the urge to see Beej again was strong he didn't know if his heart would be able to withstand it. "I . . . don't know Erin. I'll . . . I have to . . . I'll let you know later okay?"

"Okay. Well call me at the hospital – they have a courtesy phone in the waiting room." Erin recited the number as Hawkeye hurriedly scribbled it down.

"Thanks Erin I'll talk to you later." Hawkeye slowly hung up the phone. Picking up the piece of paper he'd scribbled the number on Hawkeye slowly walked over to the dining room table and sunk down into the chair. Beej had been in an accident and was now fighting for his life. His elbows resting on the table Hawkeye buried his face in his hands.

His dad came up silently behind him, placing his hands on Hawkeye's shoulders. He knew how upsetting this news would be to Hawkeye which is why he had been hesitant about calling him to the phone. Only twice before had he seen his son so deeply troubled – the first time when he had finally come back home from Korea and had told him about the bus incident and then 8 years later when Hawk had come back home from San Francisco after ending his relationship with BJ. He knew his son had never really recovered from that.

"Are you going to San Francisco?" He quietly asked.

Hawk shook his head. His voice came out soft, muffled behind his hands. "I don't know. Seeing him again after . . . I don't know. I miss him . . . Erin too. Should I be there if he dies? Would BJ even want to see me if he pulls through?"

Hawkeye vaguely remembered something about dying in his arms. What was it? He crinkled his brow and the memory came screaming back. He and Beej had been in the mess tent not long after his release from the mental hospital and just before the war had ended. He had been trying to get BJ to acknowledge it was goodbye for them. Why it had been so important to get that goodbye he didn't know but he had pushed BJ, even asking if BJ would hold him in his arms if he was dying or would he just let him bleed to death. "If I were dying today I would want him to hold me in his arms – despite everything."

"Hawkeye"? His dad questioned.

Hawkeye lifted up his head finally meeting his dad's eyes. His own blue eyes were dull, agonized. "I have to go to San Francisco."

Daniel studied his son intently, seeing the agony in his son's eyes. There are some wounds time never heals. He had learned how to go on when his wife – Hawkeye's mom – had died – mainly because his son was still a child and needed him. But that was different. He knew she would never come back. The love of Hawkeye's life hadn't died, he was alive and well in another state - Daniel could only imagine how much harder that was.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I know you still grieve. I don't want you hurt again."

"I'll never be over BJ dad. But I've had to move on without him. If he doesn't pull through – well I would never feel right knowing he died and I wasn't there to offer what comfort I could. I think – I think he would come for me if I were dying." His dad still looked uncertain. He nodded once, firmly. "I need to do this."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Daniel asked.

"No I think this is something I need to do myself. Besides we can't leave Crab Apple Cove without a doctor now can we? I'll be okay dad."

His decision made Hawkeye set about arranging everything. First he called the hospital – getting time off wasn't a problem as they'd been suggesting he take a vacation for the last 2 years. Then he called the airline and scheduled his flight. He packed a bag – enough to last him a week. His preparations done he took a quick shower and dressed, heading downstairs with his suitcase.

Three hours later he was in the air on his way to California. Hawkeye was relieved the plane was half empty. He had no one sitting next to him trying to talk to him. He rested his head back against the head rest, closed his eyes, and finally allowed himself to remember the 1st time he saw Beej after the war.


	2. The Kiss

Despite Hawkeye's doubts he and BJ had remained in close contact. They took turns calling each other twice a month plus they exchanged the odd letter here and there. Two years after they'd returned from Korea Hawkeye had answered the ringing phone. To his delight it was BJ inviting him out to California for a week. Hawkeye had jumped at the opportunity. To see the man he had secretly fallen in love with was a treat indeed.

Hawkeye had entered the airport terminal with a thousand butterflies dancing around in his stomach. Why he was so nervous he didn't know. Nervousness had given way to sheer delight when BJ had materialized in front of him engulfing him in a great big bear hug. He happily returned the hug, patting BJ on the back. They had finally drawn back holding each other at arm's length eyeing each other up and down.

"Damn it's good to see you Beej. You look great!" Hawk exclaimed. And he had – the cheesy moustache was still there but his hair was cut shorter. If not for the bits of grey at his temples he looked almost as he had the first day BJ had arrived in Korea.

BJ laughed. "You look great too Hawk. You know, this is the first time I've seen you in civilian clothes – well not counting the tux that is."

Hawkeye grinned. "You had no idea I could look this good either, did you?" he teased.

BJ grinned. "C'mon Hawk let's get out of here."

BJ led them out of the airport and to the car. Their relationship had picked up just as usual with no awkward gaps or pauses. Hawk had stayed at the house in their guest room finally meeting Peg and Erin and despite the negative vibes he was picking up from Peg the week he had spent with them had been great.

Unfortunately the week had come to an end much too soon. It was at the airport as Hawk was getting ready to board the plane back home to Maine that BJ had grasped his arms, staring intently into Hawk's eyes. "We take turns each year flying out to visit. Next summer I fly out to Maine. What do you say Hawk?"

Hawkeye grinned. "Yeah. That sounds great. Next July you come on out to Maine – and bring the family huh? We'll go fishing and eat lobster. Hey you can meet my dad too."

They'd hugged – they were doing that a lot these days it seemed. A hug, a firm handshake, and Hawk was on a plane headed home.

The following summer it was BJ stepping off the plane in Maine to visit. When Hawkeye had questioned BJ on why he hadn't brought the wife and daughter BJ had been vague, mentioning obligations Peg had. The vague explanation along with BJ not meeting his eyes had led Hawk to believe there was trouble in BJ's marriage that he wasn't ready to talk about. Hawk didn't pursue it, instead concentrating on his time with BJ.

Their time together had been great as always. Hawk was firmly in love with BJ but doing his best to hide it. BJ had never given any indication he had similar feelings and Hawk wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize the best friendship of his entire life.

They had sat out on the porch swing the one night sharing stories with Hawk's dad about the pranks they had pulled in Korea. Daniel had finally gone up to bed, leaving the friends still chatting. They had been drinking too - the good stuff, not the rot-gut from the still. Finally around 2:00am with the alcohol taking its toll they had agreed bedtime was in order. Getting up from the porch swing they had stumbled into each other. BJ reached out grabbing Hawk to stop him falling to the porch floor and with no warning his lips were suddenly on Hawk's kissing him. After a brief moment of stunned surprise Hawkeye had responded kissing him back. The kiss had been good – no, it had been great, amazing even. When they'd finally pulled back from each other they had stood there staring at each other. The moment was finally broken when BJ had looked away nervously, releasing Hawkeye.

"Well I'm off." He'd said. And he had wandered inside and upstairs to the guest room leaving Hawkeye – now completely sober – standing alone on the porch with tingling lips wondering exactly what was going on here.

The next day there had been no mention of the kiss from BJ so Hawkeye hadn't mentioned it either. Two days later they were once again saying goodbye, BJ boarding the plane to take him back home to San Francisco to his wife and daughter. It had been another year before Hawkeye and BJ had spoken of the kiss.

The lack of sleep the night before along with his swirling thoughts finally caught up with Hawkeye. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	3. The Hospital

Hawkeye's plane landed in San Francisco shortly before 10:00pm. Thirty minutes later he had his suitcase and was in a rental car headed to the hospital. On the drive to the hospital he wondered what condition he'd find BJ in. Broken bones? Maybe. And Erin had mentioned surgery so there were definitely internal injuries. Was BJ even conscious? He doubted it. For all he knew BJ may have already died from his injuries. No, he thought, best not to think that way.

Arriving at the hospital Hawkeye parked and quickly went inside and up to the ICU ward. He stopped at the nurse's station to inquire what room BJ was in and made his way to the first room on the left. The door was closed. Hawkeye paused briefly taking a few deep breaths before quietly opening the door and walking in.

He stepped up to the bed and finally gazed down at his friend . . . lover . . . ex-lover. BJ had a cut across his forward and his head was wrapped in bandages so only his face was visible. He was a little older but he had finally shaved off his moustache. He was sleeping (in a coma?) but he was breathing on his own (good sign there). They were feeding him a steady flow of pain killers intravenously. Seeing his medical chart Hawkeye picked it up and quickly read it. He had 3 broken ribs, 2 on his right and 1 on his left. One of the ribs had punctured his lung causing internal bleeding hence the surgery along with a couple units of blood. He had also suffered a severe concussion – that seemed to be the biggest issue. BJ had severe swelling around his brain – the doctors had drilled a hole in his skull to relieve the swelling. The concern was whether his motor skills and memory had been affected. His blood pressure readings had been shocky immediately following surgery but were now stabilizing.

Hawkeye slowly sunk down into the chair next to BJ's bed silently watching him. It had been 6 years since Hawkeye had left. Six years since Hawkeye had ended their relationship. It had taken Hawk almost a full year after that before he finally began living again. He wondered how it had been for BJ. Had BJ been as devastated by their break-up as Hawk had been? Had he moved on to greener pastures? Was he seeing someone now (a woman or a man)? Did he even give Hawkeye a passing thought these days?

He wondered about Erin and how she was doing. She obviously didn't hate him or she wouldn't have called him. Why had she called? Life hadn't been easy for her certainly. She had spent the first two years of her life without her dad and when he finally did come home she had her parents together for only a short time before her parents had separated. Peg had left the state with her new husband shortly after he and BJ had become a couple and had not kept in touch with her daughter, leaving BJ a single father. Was Peg back in her life now? Hawk had been in her life too as a parent to her only that hadn't worked out either. Erin had essentially lost 2 parents, not just one. How was Erin faring in all this?

Hawkeye just sat there watching BJ breath. A nurse would come in from time to time to check and record BJ's vitals but other than that it was quiet. Finally around 4:00am Hawkeye dozed off in the chair.

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"Daddy Hawk! Daddy Hawk!"

Hawkeye woke abruptly. Standing in front of him was 16-year-old Erin Hunicutt. She was already about 5'10" – well on her to having some of her father's height. She had a round face with long blond hair, the delicate facial features of her mother and her father's blue eyes.

Hawkeye sat up and opened his arms in an inviting hug. Erin hugged him back fiercely. "I'm so glad you came." She mumbled into his ear.

"I had to." Hawkeye replied. He gently pushed her back studying her. She was a beauty. "Has your dad bought a shot-gun yet?" he asked, his eyes twinkling slightly.

Erin frowned. "Dad buy a shot-gun? Why?" she asked, looking at him strangely.

"To keep the boys away from you that's why!" Hawkeye retorted.

Erin blushed furiously. "Oh please!" She exclaimed.

Hawkeye finally noticed the woman standing a few feet behind Erin. He stood up slowly rubbing the kink out of his neck and stretching. Walking over to her he held his hand out to her. "Hi, I'm Hawkeye. I'm a . . . friend. BJ and I met while serving over in Korea." Was BJ in a relationship with this woman?

Her eyes flickered with recognition when he introduced himself. She took his hand in a brief handshake. "I'm Maggie. I live just down the street. I check in on Erin when BJ has emergency calls. It's nice to meet you. You're the one who lives in Maine right? That's a long way to travel."

"Yeah."

"You used to live with BJ and Erin right? You can stay at the house while you're here – I'm sure BJ wouldn't mind. And it sounds like you and Erin may have some catching up to do."

"Yeah thanks."

Erin moved to the bed to look down at her dad. She leaned down kissing him lightly on the cheek. "Hi Dad. I miss you." She sat in the chair next to his bed lightly running her hand up and down his arm in a gentle caress.

Hawk swallowed. It was good that she still had such a close relationship with her dad. He offered his chair to Maggie and went and stood by the window. The doctor came in about an hour later to check on BJ.

After introducing himself as a fellow doctor Hawkeye asked about BJ's status. They spent the next 5 minutes talking doctor jargon then the doctor left.

"Daddy Hawk . . . is dad going to be okay?" Erin asked.

Hawkeye slowly nodded. "He's breathing on his own which is a good sign and his blood pressure is normal. He's pretty banged up but the doctor thinks your dad will pull through. He's on some heavy pain killers today due to the surgery so he probably won't wake up until tomorrow or the next day."

Erin watched him a minutes perhaps picking up on his hesitation. "What else?" she asked quietly.

Hawkeye looked at her than looked away.

"Daddy Hawk what else? What aren't you telling me?"

"He has a severe concussion, his brain swelled. They had to drill a hole in his skull to relieve the pressure. It's too early for the doctors to tell but it's possible that he may have sustained either temporary or permanent motor loss."

Erin's eyes grew round with fear. "What . . . what does that mean?"

"There's a possibility he may have lost his ability to talk, to walk, and he may have suffered permanent memory loss. There's no way to know until he wakes up."

Erin's eyes welled up with tears. Hawkeye walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, giving her the only comfort he could.

They sat in silence watching BJ. Finally around lunch time Maggie left after Erin assured her she was fine. Hawkeye and Erin spent the day talking about mundane things in between periods of quiet and just watching BJ's steady breathing. Finally about 6:30pm Hawkeye stood up and stretched.

"Erin I'm beat and I didn't really sleep well last night. What do you say we go grab some dinner and head back to the house for some rest?"

Erin nodded and stood up. She went to the bed and leaned over planting a soft kiss on BJ's check. "Goodnight dad. Get some rest and we'll be back tomorrow okay?"

Hawkeye too walked up to the bed. He stood for a moment gazing down at the man he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, not quite sure what to say to him. Finally he reached out and patted him on the arm. "Take care Beej. We'll be back tomorrow morning." One last look and they turned walking out of the room. Neither noticed the slight twitching of BJ's right hand

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting in a small diner eating a light dinner. Neither of them were particularly hungry but knew they needed to eat a little something to keep up their strength.

tbc


	4. Memories

They arrived at the house shortly before 8:00pm. Erin fumbled in her purse for her key as she walked up the sidewalk to the front door. After grabbing his suitcase from the trunk of the car Hawkeye slowly followed along behind her.

They stepped into the living room, Erin turning on lights as she went. Hawkeye glanced around curiously. The house hadn't changed much – new furniture but otherwise it looked the same as the day he had walked out.

"The guest room is already made up. You still remember where everything is right?" She asked.

"Yeah. Thanks Erin."

"Sure. Well I'm just going to call my grandparents and let them know how dad is. Help yourself to whatever."

Hawkeye nodded and headed for the stairs. At the top he turned left going into the first room – the guest room. He dumped his suitcase on the bed and opened it, pulling out a t-shirt and shorts. He grabbed his toiletries and headed down the hall to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later showered and freshly shaved he headed out of the bathroom. He paused in the hallway looking at the last door on the right. Faintly hearing Erin's voice from downstairs, figuring he still had a few minutes his feet slowly carried him down the hall – he paused in the doorway, his right side leaning against the doorframe as he looked into the bedroom he had once shared with BJ.

It looked the same. The same bed, the same dresser, everything. There was a trunk at the foot of the bed for extra storage. A landscape of the Maine coast still hung on the wall above the bed. And on the night-stand on the right side of the bed was a picture of him and BJ. A stab of pain shot through Hawkeye when he spied it. It seemed like only yesterday when it had been taken.

It was shortly after Erin's 10th birthday – he and BJ got her a camera for her birthday and had gone to spend the day at the beach. It had been cool and windy out so the beach had been deserted. Erin had caught them both laughing their arms around each other in a loose hug. She had called their names and as they turned still laughing she had snapped the picture. Just a few short weeks later their relationship was over and Hawkeye was on a plane home to Maine.

"There hasn't been anyone else you know."

Hawkeye jumped startled and turned, seeing Erin standing in the hallway watching him.

"What?" he asked.

Erin smiled sadly. "Dad . . . there hasn't been anyone else since you. He hasn't even gone on a date since you two broke up."

"Maybe he just hasn't found anyone he's interested in." Hawkeye responded.

"He still loves you. He misses you. He gets quiet and pensive around your birthday every year. It's like a part of him died when you left. Why didn't you stay and work it out? Why did you leave?"

Hawkeye turned his back to Erin effectively hiding the flash of pain across his face. His eyes focused back on the picture of them on BJ's nightstand. "What did your dad tell you?" he asked finally, his voice husky.

"He told me he screwed up and hurt you and that sometimes saying I'm sorry just isn't enough."

Hawkeye was surprised by that. He didn't think BJ would have ever accepted responsibility for their break-up. "He's right. Sometimes wounds cut too deep."

Behind him Erin snorted in disgust. "Come on Daddy Hawk. You couldn't even look at me when you said it. You and dad were perfect for each other. You could carry on a conversation without even using words. You always knew what each other was thinking. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that you two loved each other. You still do. It's not over – it will never be over. And one of you has to make the first move."

Hawkeye turned, moving out of the doorway back into the hall to face Erin. His face was drawn – to Erin it looked like he had aged 10 years in the last 10 minutes. He smiled crookedly. "Erin you have grown into a beautiful, intelligent young lady. I've missed you more than you know. I really appreciate what you're trying to do. But not all fairy tales have a happy ending." He walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead then stepped past her and continued on up the hall into the guest bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Erin was left alone in the hallway. "I don't believe that for a second." She thought. The Hawkeye from her past had been fun-loving and mischievous and never at a loss for words. The Hawkeye of today was quiet and reserved, pensive, with an aura of loss hanging about him. She wondered if there were any two other men who were more stupidly stubborn then her dad and Daddy Hawk.

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Hawkeye crawled into bed and stretched out on his back his hands clasped underneath his head. He still wasn't quite ready to revisit the break-up. Instead he let his mind drift to the first time he and BJ came together as a couple.

He was back in San Francisco (his turn to visit). After Erin was tucked in bed they had sat relaxing in the living room talking. They were both sitting on the couch separated by mere inches. Hawk had noticed Peg's absence, the lack of feminine touches in the house.

He took a breath, looked BJ in the eyes and had finally asked "So are you going to tell me what's up with you and Peg? Or do I have to guess?"

"I never could fool you could I?" BJ asked. Hawkeye only sat there watching him with his piercing gaze. BJ sighed. "Okay fine. I was so relieved and excited to finally return back home after the war you know? I knew the guy who returned from Korea was different but I truly thought Peg and I would be okay, that we'd get through it. It was quite an adjustment. Loud sounds startled me, the sound of a car's backfire sounded like gun fire to me."

Hawkeye nodded. His neighbor had received a new muffler courtesy of him because of the backfire. He had woken his dad on numerous occasions because of his nightmares. Yeah he understood that all right.

"It was hard. I didn't want to talk to Peg about it so I bottled it up only it came out in other ways. I was edgy and the nightmares . . . well, they were something else. We drifted apart, neither of us handled it well. Then about a month before I came to visit you in Maine she told me she was pregnant."

"Peg lost the baby?" Hawkeye asked quietly.

BJ smiled. It was a grimace really, completely devoid of humor. "Peg and I were sleeping in separate bedrooms by then. We hadn't been together – or shared anything more intimate – for almost a year."

"Oh Beej. I'm sorry." Hawkeye was stunned – Beej and Peg had such a fairytale marriage – or so it seemed in Korea. Beej had lived for the letters he received from Peg, reading and rereading them a hundred times until the next one had arrived. It was disheartening that their marriage had been yet another casualty of war. Yet he couldn't help wondering if there was now a flicker of hope for him and BJ. BJ had kissed him after all.

"We decided I should come to Maine alone to give us both some time apart to think. When I returned home Peg told me she wanted out of the marriage – I wanted out too. So we divorced. She remarried a week after our divorce was finalized and moved down to Texas with her new husband and new baby. She doesn't keep in touch with Erin much."

"I'm so sorry Beej." Hawkeye moved closer to BJ. He wrapped his arm around BJ's shoulder, providing what comfort he could. "This must be so difficult for you."

"It wasn't as difficult as I thought." BJ replied.

"What do you mean?" Hawkeye asked.

BJ smiled. "When I married Peg I thought I loved her, thought we'd spend the rest of our life together. But I came to realize after Korea that what I felt for her paled in comparison to what I feel for you. I am deeply in love with you Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce. It just took me a year after Korea to figure that out. I was certain of it when I came out to Maine last year to visit and couldn't resist kissing you. But I was still married to Peg. I had to end that first."

BJ was really going out on a limb here. The only indication he'd had of Hawkeye's feelings was when Hawkeye had returned his kiss back in Maine. He watched Hawkeye's face intently seeing surprise, compassion, and a brief flare of hope before it was quickly hidden. "So?" Bj asked.

"So what?" Hawkeye replied.

"So I just bared my soul to you." BJ stated cautiously. "What do . . . I mean do you . . . how do you feel? About me?"

Hawkeye smiled. He reached out grasping BJ's chin lightly and leaned in planting a gentle kiss on BJ's lips. Deciding that wasn't enough he kissed BJ again and when BJ parted his lips he took full advantage. The kiss deepened and Hawk and BJ both moaned. BJ grabbed Hawkeye's shirt and pulled him closer kissing back with full abandon. Hawkeye's hands drifted up over BJ's arms and stroked down over his chest. And still they kissed.

They came up for air several minutes later, both of them panting and breathing hard. Hawk's hair was ruffled in all directions and BJ's shirt was partially unbuttoned. Finally getting his breathing under control BJ stood – not an easy feat given his current state of arousal. He held his hand out to Hawkeye, a come-hither look in his eyes. Hawkeye grasped BJ's hand and allowed BJ to pull him up off the couch. BJ quietly led him out of the living room and upstairs down the hall to his bedroom. He pulled Hawkeye inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Beej . . . are you sure about this?" Hawkeye asked him. As afraid as he was that BJ might change his mind he also didn't want BJ to have any lingering doubts about this either.

BJ reached out placing his hands on Hawkeye's waist pulling him close. "I've never been so sure of anything before in my life." He replied and took Hawk's lips in another passionate kiss.

They ended up on the bed legs entwined, mouths and hands exploring, their strokes becoming bolder and more passionate. Their clothes were slowly removed and discarded haphazardly on the floor as two sets of hands explored, touched, discovered , the only sounds emanating from them gasps and moans of pleasure. BJ ran a fingernail lightly down Hawkeye's back and smiled when Hawkeye bucked above him. His smile soon turned to a gasp as Hawkeye kissed his way down his chest, raking a hand through BJ's chest hair as his mouth inched down, down finally enveloping BJ.

"Hawkeye . . ." BJ moaned. BJ saying his name in a voice husky with passion and desire was music to Hawkeye's ears. He shifted, bracing himself over BJ as he brushed a trail up BJ's chest to his lips kissing BJ passionately as he brought their erections together and began to thrust. They both gave in to the passion. Release when it came was mind-blowing.

Sometime later having finally come down from the heights BJ propped himself up and leaned over Hawkeye kissing him tenderly. "I love you Hawk."

"I love you Beej." He replied, his voice husky.

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Hawkeye groaned as the bright light hit his eyes. He finally opened them and was confused at first by his surroundings before reality finally came back. He was in California staying in BJ's guest room. He picked his watch up from the night stand noting the time – already 7:30am. He finally forced himself out of bed and showered and dressed quickly, skipping shaving.

He wandered downstairs to the kitchen and picked up the phone – he needed to touch base with his dad. They spoke for several minutes, Hawkeye detailing BJ's condition and assuring his dad he was fine. Hawkeye asked after a few of his patients then ended the call with the promise to call his dad call again in a few days.

He found some bread and butter and made toast and a small pot of coffee to go with it then sat down to eat. It wasn't much but then his appetite had taken a serious nose dive the last few days. He'd probably be down 5lbs by the time he was back home in Maine.

He had finished off his toast and was nursing his 2nd cup of coffee when Erin joined him. She gave him a quick hug then made her own toast, grabbed a glass of juice, and sat down across the table from him. She studied him quietly while she ate.

He cleared his throat and spoke. "So Erin you're in 10th grade now right? How's school going for you?"

"Pretty good. I've got all A's." she replied.

"I wouldn't expect anything less. You would drive me bonkers sometimes with all the questions you'd ask." Hawkeye smiled.

Erin laughed. "Yeah dad too. He told me once he seriously contemplated performing elective surgery to remove my vocal cords."

"So what are you going to do with that brain of yours after high school, have you thought about that?"

"I really want to go to college."

Hawkeye grinned and reached out to squeeze Erin's hand. "That's great!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know." Erin responded hesitantly. "I think I want to be a doctor and there aren't a lot of woman doctors in the field. It's tough as it is but I'll have the additional disadvantage because of my gender."

"Erin you're smart. Don't give in to the prejudices in this society. Be a trailblazer." Hawkeye responded. "Have you told your dad?"

Erin snorted. "Are you kidding? I'll never hear the end of it! He'll be buying me medical textbooks and quizzing me every waking moment!"

"Good point. I'll wait until I leave to tell him." Hawkeye responded mischievously.

"Don't you even!" Erin warned. "I've learned a trick or two myself you know. "

Hawkeye grinned. It felt good to be joking with her again.

"Well should we get going?" he asked.

"Sure."

tbc


	5. BJ Wakes Up

The next two days followed the same routine more or less. They'd arrive at the hospital around 8:30am and stay all day. They would leave around 7:00pm, grab dinner at the diner on the way and head back to the house. Hawkeye would watch a little television while Erin worked on her school work – she was missing school but didn't want to fall too far behind.

After a phone call to the hospital to check on BJ they would head to bed around 10:00pm. Hawkeye spent several hours each night either lying in bed or more often than not pacing around the bed in the guest room.

They arrived at the hospital on the 4th morning – a Saturday – and walked into BJ's room. Erin went to him immediately kissing him lightly on the cheek. As she pulled back she saw BJ's face twitch slightly.

"Daddy Hawk . . . his face twitched!" Erin exclaimed.

Hawkeye came up to the bed and stood watching. "Are you sure? "

Erin leaned down and kissed him on the check again. Sure enough BJ's face twitched. Hawkeye paused a moment than reached down and grasped BJ's right hand in his. It was slow and barely there but BJ moved his fingers slightly.

"Well Erin it looks like your dad might wake up today. We'll just have to wait and see."

Shortly after lunch they were sitting in BJ's room making light conversation when Hawkeye saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Hawkeye stood up to stand at the foot of the bed and saw BJ's head move slightly. Erin moved around to stand on the right side of the bed watching him.

"Daddy Hawk I think he's waking up!"

BJ's right hand was flexing slightly and his eyelids were fluttering. Hawkeye went out into the hall and flagged down a nurse then hurried back into the room.

"Dad? Dad please wake up." Erin lifted BJ's right hand.

BJ would flex his hand then relax it, flex it again. His eyes opened slowly then squinted at the light and closed shut. This was followed by rapid eye movement under his eyelids then they opened again a little wider before closing again. It was, Hawkeye thought, a little like watching a colt take its first steps.

Finally BJ's eyes opened and stayed open. He blinked slowly looking down at himself. Feeling the tight grip on his right hand he turned his head and moaned at the pain. He closed his eyes again, willing himself to move more slowly – it felt like 100 construction workers were loose inside his head trying to hammer their way out.

He saw Erin's concerned face looking down at him. She was crying quietly. "Erin."

"Hi daddy." Silent tears streaked slowly down Erin's face.

He gripped her hand in response as Erin leaned down and gently hugged him. He lifted his right hand patting her lightly on the back.

The door to BJ's room opened and the doctor came striding in. He walked up to BJ's bed and immediately began checking BJ's vitals. "Dr. Hunicutt I'm Dr. Watson. Do you understand what I'm saying?" he asked.

BJ mumbled a low "yes".

"Good. You know you gave us all quite a scare. You've been out for several days now. I'm going to ask you some questions first and see how you're doing okay?"

BJ nodded then moaned at the pain. "Water." He mumbled.

"Of course." Dr. Watson replied.

"I'll get it." Hawkeye replied. He went into the bathroom and was back out seconds later with a glass which he handed to Dr. Watson. BJ had his eyes closed again but opened them when he felt the cup at his lips. He drank then pushed the cup back. The doctor sat it down.

He spent the next 10 minutes asking BJ questions, checking BJ's vitals, shining the light into BJ's eyes and checking his response to light and dark. Finally he sat back apparently satisfied. "Well Dr. Hunicutt I don't think we have anything to worry about here. You have a severe concussion; we had to drill a small hole in your skull to relieve the pressure. I was concerned about memory loss and the loss of motor skills. You don't remember the day of the accident or the accident itself but that's not uncommon. It may come back to you or it may not but I don't think that's anything to be concerned about. The headache you're sporting now will go away but you will continue to have headaches off and on for the next few months as your head heals. The swelling is going down which is good. We'll keep you in a few more days of course but you should be back home in the next 3 to 5 days. The nurse will give you some pain meds here shortly and I'll be back later to check on your progress." The doctor patted BJ's arm and stood up to leave.

Hawkeye moved aside to allow the doctor to pass by and out the door. Hearing the squeak of the shoes on the linoleum floor BJ slowly turned his head and met Hawkeye's gaze dead on.

Normally verbose during times of uneasiness and nervousness – and any other time for that matter - Hawkeye suddenly found himself tongue-tied with no clue what to say. They starred at each other for several long moments. Hawkeye read pain, longing, and hope? in BJ's eyes before it was masked. BJ read fear and uneasiness in Hawk's gaze.

BJ finally broke the silence. "Hawk. You came."

Hawkeye nodded. "Yeah well work has been pushing me to take a vacation for the last 2 years. I figured this was as good a time as any."

"Thanks." BJ replied quietly.

Hawkeye shrugged uneasily. "So, how does your head feel?" he asked.

BJ sighed and closed his eyes. "Remember the anti-green party?" he asked.

Hawkeye smiled slightly. He had stormed out of The Swamp after Col. Potter had informed them the Army had increased the rotation points needed to go home. In his anger he had grabbed a jeep and lied his way into the peace talks to give them a piece of his mind. When he returned back to camp BJ had met him outside the mess tent dressed in clothes that had been dyed a rosy red and escorted Hawkeye inside where the rest of the waiting camp were dressed in clothing dyed the same rosy red. They had even gone as far as to dye their hair. They had all been nursing serious hang-overs the next day. "Yeah I remember." He replied.

"I wish I felt that good." BJ responded. He opened his eyes again noticing the strained tired lines on Hawk's face, his growth of facial hair. He looked thinner too BJ noticed. "Hawk? You look as bad as I feel."

Hawk shrugged. "I'm fine." He said.

Erin finally spoke up. She could feel the tension between them and didn't want things getting awkward. "I want to hear about the anti-green party." She said.

Hawkeye started telling the story of how he took off in the jeep headed to the peace talks. BJ chimed in telling the events as they played out at the MASH leading to the subsequent party after. It was enough to help ease the tension a little.

BJ slept on and off throughout the rest of the day. When awake he and Hawkeye were cordial and polite, like strangers who had just met.

The doctor came back at 7:30pm to check on BJ's condition and was pleased at his level of awareness. "You're doing well BJ. Tomorrow we'll try you on some light foods and see if you can keep that down. We're going to start decreasing your pain medication – I want you more aware and we're going to see about having you sit up tomorrow. If the pain gets unbearable page a nurse. Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow." The doctor left.

Erin and BJ chatted for another 20 minutes but it was clear BJ was tired. Hawkeye nodded to him and said they'd be back in the morning and quietly walked out of the room into the hall. Erin gave him a hug and a stern admonishment to rest and followed Hawkeye out into the hall.

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They stopped at the diner to grab a quick dinner and then headed back to the house.

Hawkeye couldn't stop thinking – hadn't that always been his problem? He decided he was a fool. He shouldn't have come back to California. He knew that now. Hell, he thought, what was he thinking? He had known it even as he'd made the decision to come. He'd wanted to see BJ again – just once more in his lifetime and this was his excuse. He hadn't thought it would be like this though. "What were you expecting?" his inner voice asked him. "That you and BJ would hug and just pick up where you left off?"

He hadn't spent one day since without thinking about BJ, about the life they'd briefly shared, what he was doing now. What a fool he was he thought bemusedly. Did BJ think about him at all anymore?

They arrived back at the house. Hawkeye grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and joined Erin in the living room to watch a little television. Erin was lying on the couch, Hawkeye sitting in the matching chair.

Next to the television was a small table and on it a photograph of him and BJ. Hawkeye was dressed in his tux wearing his groucho glasses. Standing next to him, one arm resting on Hawkeye's shoulder and one leg crossed in front of the other was BJ wearing his pinkish shirt and regulation army pants. Hawkeye's smile was bittersweet. Korea had been hell but he wouldn't have made it out of there without BJ's calming presence.

He glanced over and noticed Erin asleep on the couch. Swallowing the last of his beer he got up disposing of it in the trash. Back in the living room he grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and covered Erin with it then headed upstairs to the guest room.

tbc


	6. The Breakup

Hawkeye sat in the window seat looking out the window. It was inevitable, he supposed. He drifted back to the night he and BJ broke up. It was a Saturday night and BJ's parents – yes they really were named Bee and Jay – had come over for dinner. BJ had been on edge all week leading up to that night. Hawkeye had tried several times to get BJ to talk about what was bothering him but BJ had remained tight-lipped about it.

Not long after they became a couple while resting in bed after some passionate love-making BJ had confided to Hawkeye that he just wasn't close to his parents. Growing up his father had treated him like a possession, always with emphasis on the "my" when introducing him as "my son". To his mother BJ had been a direct reflection on what others thought of her. When BJ did something well she bragged about it but when BJ messed up his mother was embarrassed – "what will people think" she'd say. It had explained why BJ never wrote his parents while in Korea. BJ and his parents didn't really have much of a relationship and while BJ said he was fine with that Hawkeye suspected it bothered him on some level.

When BJ's parents arrived Hawkeye greeted them cordially and ushered them in. They hadn't been there 5 minutes when Bee Hunicutt had made a comment about the décor.

"The décor s fine mother, let it go." BJ had responded.

BJ's dad was a doctor also so Hawkeye diverted the conversation to the medical field and it had worked well until partway through dinner. There had been a break in conversation and Bee had dived right in.

"So Benjamin how much longer will you be staying here with BJ?" she asked. When BJ had introduced him as Hawkeye she had snorted and called him Benjamin ever since. While it grated on Hawk's nerves he figured it was a small price to pay.

"I'm sorry?" Hawkeye was confused. He lived here, why was she asking him how long he was staying?

"BJ tells me you moved here from Maine and would be staying with him for a while until you found a place. It's been several years. Surely it doesn't take that long to find your own place. And you with a doctor's salary no less."

Hawk put his fork down and turned to look at BJ sitting at the head of the table. BJ was looking down at his plate apparently engrossed in his food only he wasn't eating, wasn't even moving. Why wasn't BJ correcting his mother, why wasn't BJ looking at him?

Bee continued. "You know in my day men didn't live with other men. Well, only if they were family. Two grown men living together like this – really people are going to start talking you know. Why they might think you're . . . you know . . . " she leaned forward and whispered "that you might be homosexual. Why if that got around that would just be disastrous. What would our friends at the country club think?"

"BJ?" Hawkeye asked. He wanted BJ to look at him.

"I know a realtor Benjamin if you want to buy a small house. Really BJ, Benjamin's stayed here long enough don't you think? I don't know why you haven't insisted he move out by now."

BJ didn't answer, didn't even look up from his intent study of his plate. He had cleared maybe half his plate but hadn't taken one bite since his mother had taken over the conversation. Meanwhile Hawkeye continued to stare at him as cracks started opening in what he had thought was a perfect relationship.

Bee, apparently oblivious to the increasing tension between her son and his roommate (lover) went chatting on. "You remember Jack and Glenda's boy Ron? Well, he was caught in a compromising position with a "co-worker" of his. It ruined his career and him a dentist no less. He actually had to leave the state. I don't want your career ruined BJ – after all the money your father and I paid for your college education and all."

Hawkeye reached for his martini glass and drained it in one swallow. It was making sense now why BJ had been bothered all week. Apparently he had deliberately mislead his parents about their relationship and he had worried it would come out.

"We did pay a lot for your education son." Jay Hunicutt stated.

"Shouldn't you start dating BJ? You need to marry again. You have no idea what your father and I went through when people found out you had divorced. Couples don't get divorced – that's unheard of. When you marry, you marry for life. Isn't that right dear?" Bee was nodding as she spoke.

"It sure is." Jay replied. "Son I thought you had better sense. Divorce doesn't look good, and you a former military man too. You should have stayed together."

Bee nodded. "Now BJ I think you and I should discuss when Benjamin will be moving out don't you think?" She asked.

"BJ?!"

BJ finally looked up meeting Hawkeye's eyes. Hawkeye was angry while BJ looked . . . Hawkeye wasn't sure. It wasn't an expression he was quite familiar with. Was it embarrassment? Or shame?

Trying to escape those angry eyes boring into him BJ hurriedly got up and started clearing the table, picking up the dirty dishes. "Anyone up for desert?" he asked half-heartedly.

"Of course, dear. Some coffee would be nice too. And not that new instant stuff either but the good kind." This from Bee as Jay only nodded silently.

"No." Hawkeye replied. He pushed himself away from the table and got up. "I've had quite enough tonight. I think I'll retire to MY room for the night."

BJ flinched at Hawkeye's inflection of the word "my". Hawkeye was furious. BJ could read Hawkeye like a book. Hawk was restraining himself but just barely. His eyes were shooting daggers at BJ, his body was tense and his hands were shaking slightly. BJ hadn't seen Hawk this angry since the night the MPs had to restrain Hawkeye and take him to the mental asylum after driving the jeep through the wall of the officer's club. But Hawkeye had been repressing memories then. This time nothing was being suppressed and the anger was shooting out at BJ in droves.

BJ winced as Hawkeye abruptly left the dining room and headed into the hall and upstairs. BJ jumped slightly and gave a brief nervous smile (a grimace actually) as he faintly heard their bedroom door slam.

"Well really!" His mother exclaimed. "His manners were horrible. Honestly BJ I don't see how you've put up with him for so long. No wonder he's still single. No woman with decent taste would have him."

It took an hour and a half after Hawkeye had retreated to the bedroom before his parents ran out of things to say and had finally said their goodbyes and left. They had moved on from Hawkeye to Erin – they were upset of course that Erin wasn't there and did not understand why a weekend getaway with her best friend and their parents – which had been planned months in advance - could be more important than seeing her grandmother and grandfather.

BJ locked up the house for the night, turning off lights as he slowly made his way upstairs and down the hall to the bedroom. He opened the door and walked in. Hawkeye was sitting on the bed, his hands clasped between his legs starring at the floor. When Hawkeye finally looked up at him BJ's uneasiness deepened. Hawkeye's face was completely void of expression, giving nothing away, except for his eyes which burned with anger.

"You never told your parents about us."

It was a statement not a question but BJ answered anyway. "No." he said quietly.

"Why not?"

BJ shrugged. "I don't know." He said.

"That's the kind of answer a child gives. Why have you never told your parents about us? About me?" Hawkeye pressed.

BJ was looking at a fixed point above Hawkeye's head. "There just never seemed to be time I guess." He mumbled. Even to his own ears that sounded like a poor excuse.

Hawkeye nodded slowly. "Yes. I can see how in the 7 years we've been together you've not had even 10 minutes to pick up a phone and call your parents. I'm sure you couldn't spare a few minutes during one of their previous visits here either."

BJ didn't know what to say to that so he said nothing.

"What about your sister, have you told her?" Hawkeye asked.

BJ shook his head. "You don't understand Hawk. It's not that easy."

"Isn't it?" Hawkeye retorted. "Have you told anyone about us?" Hawkeye asked.

BJ was finally getting angry too. "My sex life is personnel. That's not something you share with people." BJ bit back. "You know full well what society thinks of two men being . . . together. What would you prefer I do, announce it on a bill board?"

Hawkeye finally stood up. "Come on BJ! That's not what I mean and you know it! I'm not talking about announcing it to the world. I'm talking about our families – those we're closest to." Hawkeye bit out angrily.

"In case you hadn't noticed Hawkeye my family isn't like yours! We don't hold hands and hug and offer unwavering support!"

"My family isn't perfect either BJ but at least I'm not lying to them!"

"What do you want from me Hawkeye?!"

"I want acknowledgement! I want your family to know I'm not just some roommate sponging off you!"

"We're together Hawk – isn't that enough? Isn't that all that matters?" BJ asked. BJ walked up to Hawkeye resting his hand on Hawkeye's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Hawkeye bit out. He flung BJ's hand off him, side-stepping away, putting several feet of distance between them. "Why haven't you told your parents and sister about us?"

"Hawk . . . it doesn't matter."

"Well it damn well matters to me!" Hawkeye retorted.

"It's not a big deal!" BJ exclaimed.

"Why haven't you told your family about us?" Hawkeye persisted, his voice unnaturally quiet.

"Because I'm embarrassed dammit!" BJ yelled.

Hawkeye jerked back, his face draining of color. He looked like he'd just been slapped. "Embarrassed?"

BJ blinked. He hadn't expected that to come out of his mouth but Hawkeye was persistent. Now he tried to back-peddle. "Hawk I didn't mean . . ."

Hawkeye interrupted. "You're embarrassed? Of me?" He was staring at BJ as if he had never seen him before. BJ wasn't meeting his eyes - he stood rooted in place, running his hand through his hair – a gesture he did when he was embarrassed or uncomfortable. "No. Not of me." Hawkeye said, watching him. "You're embarrassed of our relationship . . . of two men being together."

"Hawk . . . please, you don't understand."

Hawkeye felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under him. He thought he had won the jackpot when BJ had finally admitted his feelings. Hawkeye had left his dad, his job, his friends, had even moved from one side of the country to the other all to be with BJ. He had sacrificed his life - seven years of it – to be with this man.

"You had no intention of ever telling anyone about us did you? And what about Erin – did you tell her not to say anything to others?" Hawkeye asked.

BJ shook his head. "It's not like that Hawkeye. You don't understand what it's like for me. It's different."

Hawkeye felt like he had just been stabbed in the heart with a scalpel. Actually that probably would have hurt less than what he was experiencing now.

"You lied to your parents and you lied to me."

"It's just . . . they don't need to know about our relationship."

"I won't be kept locked in a closet BJ." He moved to the dresser, picking up his wallet and car keys. He turned to walk silently out the door.

"Hawk . . . where are you going?" BJ asked anxiously.

Without pausing Hawkeye replied. "Out. Don't wait up."

Two days later Hawkeye resigned his position at the hospital, citing personnel reasons. He returned to the house only after he was sure BJ had left for work. He packed up his stuff – mostly clothes and medical journals, some music records, and pictures and left. He made arrangements to have his possessions shipped than sold his car to a dealership. He spent the night holed up in a hotel close to the airport and the next morning he boarded a plane and headed back home to Maine. He drank steadily on the flight, arriving in Maine drunk, unshaven and broken-hearted.

Daniel Pierce picked up his son and brought him home. After three months of watching his son drink himself senseless on an almost daily basis he finally caught his son one afternoon sitting on the beach in back of their home. His son was hung over but sober – and had a serious heart-to-heart with him. Hawkeye began helping his dad at his practice the following week and a month later got a job at the hospital in Portland. Six months after that he finally bought his own home on the beach.

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Now here he was several years later staying in the guest room of the house he had once shared with the love of his life.

Hawkeye got up, slowly pacing back and forth. His mind continued to be tortured by that night. Was he wrong to walk out as he had? Should he have stuck around and tried talking it out with BJ? He had never heard BJ's reasoning as to why he had kept the nature of their relationship quiet. Would that have made a difference? He had never recovered from that night, had finally realized that some time ago. He had lost a part of himself that night and he didn't know if he'd ever get it back. And what about BJ – had BJ been broken-hearted too when he found out Hawk had left? Did BJ think of him often? And if so was it with feelings regret and loss? BJ had some pictures of them still in his house – what did that mean?

Hawkeye sighed wearily and continued to pace back and forth long into the night. His mind was tortured with memories of Korea, of the 7 years they had spent together and the night it had all come crashing down. What did he do wrong, what could he have done different?

Sometime after 1:00am a weary Erin Hunicutt woke up from her doze on the couch. She got up, folded up the blanket, and made her way upstairs to her room. She paused outside the guest room – the door was slightly ajar allowing her a brief look into the room. Hawkeye was pacing back and forth, occasionally swiping his hand through his silver hair. Erin shook her head and went to her room. She laid in bed listening to the faint creaking of the floorboards from Hawkeye's pacing a shimmer of tears in her eyes as she remembered all the nights she had spent listening to her dad's pacing. She drifted off to sleep 30 minutes later.

tbc


	7. Reaching An Understanding

Hawkeye felt like death warmed over the next morning. He was going to crash hard if he didn't get a decent night's sleep and soon. He knew he must look as bad as he felt judging from the concerned looks Erin kept throwing his way.

He made a hearty batch of scrambled eggs adding ham and cheese and dished out breakfast. He forced himself to eat a hearty share while chatting with Erin. Breakfast finished and the dishes hurriedly washed they headed off to the hospital.

BJ was awake and eating a bland breakfast when they walked into his room. He smiled and greeted Erin warmly before turning to quietly greet Hawkeye. He just managed to bite his tongue when he spied Hawkeye. It was obvious to him Hawkeye hadn't slept last night.

The nurse came in shortly after their arrival and with Hawkeye's help got BJ up and out of bed. He cautiously navigated the distance from his bed to the bathroom, over to the door and back to the bed. He was weak and still bruised but did okay. The goal was to get him up and walking several times a day.

Hawkeye and Erin took their lunch with BJ in his room. Erin was telling BJ about her schoolwork. BJ was listening attentively and insisted she return to school tomorrow (it was Sunday today) so she didn't miss too much. That decided it dawned on him finally that Hawk hadn't contributed to the conversation. Sometime in the last hour Hawkeye had moved his chair over by the window. He was leaning back in the chair his long legs stretched out in front of him the heels resting on the window ledge sleeping.

Erin followed her father's troubled gaze to Hawkeye's sleeping form. "Finally." She said quietly.

"He's not sleeping." BJ commented.

"No. He was up pacing the room all night."

BJ smiled sadly. "It's costing him dearly to be here."

"Dad . . . did I mess up calling him?" Erin asked hesitantly. "It's just I didn't know who else to call and I didn't want to be alone."

"No Erin you didn't mess up. I'm glad you called him. I didn't want you to be alone either."

"He's just so different from the Daddy Hawk I remember you know? He's so quiet and doesn't smile much. You're going to make things right with him aren't you?" She asked.

"I don't know Erin. It's so good seeing him again but being here – seeing me – it's obviously taking a hefty toll on him." BJ watched him quietly. Something about seeing him again had struck him – like he was trying to remember something.

"He's still in love with you too, you know." Erin said.

BJ shook his head. "I don't think so sweetheart."

"You are just so stubborn!" Erin admonished and told her dad about catching Hawkeye in the doorway the first night.

"Erin I'll talk to him. I owe him an apology but I'm sure as soon as I'm well enough he'll go back home."

"You mean you aren't even going to try?" Erin asked accusingly.

"I think I hurt him pretty badly. We'll just have to see okay?"

Erin nodded.

"Did you call Grandma and Grandpa Hunicutt?"

Erin grimaced. "Grandma said they had some important banquet or something they had to attend – she wasn't sure they could change their schedule to come see you."

Just then the nurse came in to take BJ for another walk. At BJ's insistence they left Hawkeye asleep in the chair and Erin helped in Hawk's place. They walked several laps around the floor. BJ was moving better, not needing much support now. They finished one more lap and headed back to the room. Entering the room his eyes immediately went to Hawkeye, now awake. Their eyes met and held as BJ slowly sank down on the bed.

"The doctor will be by to see you in just a little bit, BJ." The nurse told him and left.

"How are you feeling?" Hawkeye quietly asked.

"Better." BJ responded. "I still have the headache of course but it's getting better. Today it's only 50 guys beating on my head with hammers – yesterday it was 100."

Hawkeye smiled lightly at that but didn't comment.

Just then the doctor came in. "Well Dr. Hunicutt I see we've had you up and walking today. How are you feeling?"

"Still sore but doing okay."

"And how about that noggin of yours, is that headache any better?" the doctor asked as he checked BJ's vitals.

"Better but still there." BJ replied.

"Yes that will linger a few days still. We'll go with the same treatment. I'd like to keep you another day or two before sending you home."

"No. I'd like to go home tomorrow if possible." BJ replied.

"Well you are a doctor – and doctors do tend to make poor patients." The doctor smiled. "I don't know BJ. Your head is still a bit tender. If I release you tomorrow can you guarantee someone will be home with you for the next 3 days or so?"

BJ laid his head back and sighed. "No." he answered.

"Yes." Hawkeye replied at the same time.

The doctor looked from BJ to Hawkeye and back to BJ. "There seems to be some disagreement on that." He stated questioningly.

"Can you give us a few minutes please?" BJ asked.

"Of course. I'll be back in 20 minutes." He got up and quietly left.

BJ was watching Hawkeye who had his back to him silently looking out the window.

"Erin . . . ?"

Erin nodded her head – she had clearly picked up on the increased tension in the room. "I'll go get us some drinks." She said and left the room.

BJ watched Hawkeye in silence for a few minutes. He sighed. "Hawkeye." He waited until Hawkeye turned and faced him. He was tense, his expression giving nothing away.

"Hawkeye I appreciate you being here – I owe you a debt I can never repay. But the toll it's taking on you . . ."

"I'm fine!" Hawkeye interrupted.

BJ shook his head. "No you aren't. You're about 10 pounds under weight and you aren't sleeping."

"I'm sleeping fine BJ."

"Erin told me she's heard you pacing during the night." BJ commented. Hawkeye didn't respond, just went back to looking out the window. "Hawkeye I'm not blind. I see what this is costing you. That's my fault too. If it's too hard for you to be here . . . if you would rather go back home then go. I understand."

Several long minutes passed in silence. Hawkeye finally sighed and shrugged his shoulders, some of the tenseness leaving him in the process. He turned back to face BJ, his eyes intense. "I'm here BJ. It's harder than I thought it would be sure. But you need a little help right now and I know what to look for. I'll stay through the week. "

"Okay but only on one condition." BJ responded slowly.

"What's that?"

"You get some sleep. I have some sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet at home. Take a few tonight." BJ instructed. He grinned slightly. "I remember well what a noodle you turn into when you get overly tired."

Hawkeye laughed – it was a small laugh – but he actually laughed. "I'm not that bad!" he exclaimed.

"Bad enough!" BJ retorted. "The last time I saw you this tired you were trying to put on one of Klinger's dresses. You were also mumbling something about still needing to deliver the latrine to the North Koreans."

They both laughed at that. It was a comfortable laugh too which did wonders to put them both a little more at ease. They were still laughing lightly when the doctor returned to the room, Erin right behind him.

"So BJ what's the word? Will someone be with you the next few days?"

BJ nodded. "My friend here will be staying a few days longer. He's a surgeon and knows what to look for."

"Good. Well then I'll have the hospital prepare your release papers. I'll do a quick exam of you in the morning and after that you can go, probably around 11:00am. Be careful the next few weeks and don't overdo anything. I don't want to see you back in here, you got that?" the doctor admonished.

"Don't worry, I have no intention of returning as a patient." BJ responded.

"Glad to hear it. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded to Hawkeye and Erin and left the room.

Erin went over to Hawkeye and gave him a hug. "Thanks for staying Daddy Hawk. I can't imagine dad would be much fun cooped up in a hospital and its nice having you around again."

Hawkeye hugged her back. "You're welcome. Besides I haven't met a doctor yet who made a good patient."

Erin finally pulled away and moved over to hug her dad. I'm glad you're coming back home." She said. "With Daddy Hawk watching over you I know you won't try to overdo anything either." She said mischievously.

"Oh I don't know about that!" Hawkeye responded with a small grin. "I'm sure he'll try but he won't get far."

BJ just shook his head. "Geeze I'm going to be a prisoner in my own home!" he exclaimed.

"Yep" Erin agreed.

"That's right." Hawkeye said at the same time.

"Erin you ready to go?" At Erin's confirming nod Hawkeye looked back over at BJ. "BJ we're going to head out. I'll drop Erin off at school in the morning and stop at the store for some groceries. I should be here around 10:00am."

"Great. Erin . . . make sure he takes two of my sleeping pills tonight."

"Yes dad."

Another hug and they quietly left the hospital. Once back at the house, Erin went to the kitchen to scrounge up dinner while Hawkeye called first the hospital to let them know he would not be in the next week and the 2nd call was to his dad. He caught his dad as he was getting ready for bed. He updated his dad on BJ's condition and that he would stay through the following weekend. His dad asked him a few questions about BJ's condition and while the concern was evident in his voice all he said to Hawkeye was be careful.

The call ended Hawkeye went and joined Erin in the kitchen. She looked up from the stove as he came in. "I hope you don't mind grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. We're a little low on groceries."

"That's fine. I survived Army food so I can eat everything. Besides soup sounds good." He said.

Erin moved the soup and sandwiches to the table and they sat down to eat in companionable silence. Erin finished first and went upstairs, returning a minute later with a bottle of sleeping pills. "Dad's orders, he said you need to take two." She said, handing Hawkeye the bottle.

Hawkeye took the bottle and read the label, noting it was a refillable prescription. "So your dad has sleeping problems?" he asked.

"Yeah ever since . . . well for a few years now." She replied uncomfortably, not quite meeting Hawkeye's eyes.

"Since I left?" he asked quietly. Erin didn't answer but her very silence confirmed it. "Does he take these a lot?"

Erin shrugged. "Not like he used to. He saw grandma and grandpa Hunnicut last year and was taking them for awhile after but he's slowed down a lot since. He didn't tell me what happened but he was angry when he returned so I think he argued with them. Dad was going to see them again the night he had the accident."

Hawkeye carefully masked his expression. It hadn't made sense to him when Erin initially called to inform him about the accident how BJ could have been the only vehicle involved in the car crash – BJ was a careful driver. But if he had gone to see his parents and had perhaps argued with them BJ would have been distracted – maybe even upset – when he left. An upset BJ behind the wheel would explain a one-car accident. BJ had never argued with his parents – at least not when they had been living together. Hawk wondered what they may have been arguing about.

Erin brought him a glass of water. Hawkeye sighed and quickly swallowed two pills chasing them down with the water. He handed the empty glass back to Erin. "Thanks." He said.

"Sure. I have to be at school at 8:00am." She said.

Hawkeye nodded. "I'll be up at 7:00am. See you in the morning." He got up from the table, gave Erin a quick kiss on the forehead and went up to the guest room. He stripped off his clothes, pulling on a t-shirt and boxers and climbed into bed. He was just beginning to ponder the merits of sleeping pills when he drifted off to sleep.

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Hawkeye was back in Maine standing on the shoreline watching the gentle roll of the waves. He turned, sensing a presence behind him. He grinned from ear to ear when he saw BJ walking towards him. He was elated. He held out his arms in a hug rushing forward to meet BJ.

BJ backed away before they could meet, slowly shaking his head at Hawkeye, a sad expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" Hawkeye asked.

"I waited for you these last few years Hawk hoping you would call, write, maybe even show up in Mill Valley to see me. But you never came. So now it's too late. I have to go." BJ turned and began walking towards the ocean. At the water's edge he kept going his body seemingly floating just above the waves.

Hawkeye tried to run after him but his legs were suddenly made of lead – he was unable to move. He cried out imploring BJ to stop but BJ just kept walking away from him. Feeling something gripping his ankles he looked down. Erin was lying at his feet on the beach, a trail of blood marking her progress. Both her hands were wrapped around Hawkeye's right ankle.

"Daddy Hawk . . . don't let him go."

Hawkeye was trying to pull her up but she kept slipping through his hands.

"Daddy Hawk!"

He was staring to panic. He tried to call out to BJ but he was just a tiny dot on the ocean's horizon now.

"Daddy Hawk!"

He felt something shaking his shoulder and jumped. His eyes flew open in fear. Erin was standing looking down at him, a worried expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Hawkeye shook his head to clear his mind his eyes quickly scanning the room. No ocean, no sand, no blood trail and no BJ. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and sat up, taking note of his surroundings. It was a dream – yet another to add to his long list.

"Sorry." He said. "Another dream – I can't seem to escape those. I didn't wake you did i?"

"No, I actually came in to wake you. It's just after 7:00am."

"Yeah right. I'll shower and be downstairs in a few minutes. Thanks for waking me up."

"Sure." She gave him one last worried glance then quietly left the room.

Hawkeye grabbed his toiletries and headed off to the bathroom to get ready. Under the invigorating spray of the shower Hawkeye reflected back on his dream. No need to have that one analyzed, he thought. Even the blood he understood – after all it was in a war zone where he had first met BJ to begin with. He wondered if it was too late for him and BJ. And he wondered what their other MASH friends thought. Why hadn't they ever questioned him about BJ? Had BJ said something to them?

tbc


	8. Torment and Discovery

Three hours later Erin had been dropped off at school, Hawkeye had done some shopping and restocked the kitchen and was at the hospital to pick up BJ.

BJ was sitting on the bed being checked by the doctor when Hawkeye walked into his hospital room. The bandages had been removed from BJ's head and the doctor was gently checking his head to see how it was healing.

"This is looking good BJ. I still don't want you getting it wet for another 3 days – that means baths or sponge baths for you. As for the ribs I want you to keep them wrapped for the next 2 weeks – no unnecessary bending and no lifting anything heavier than 5lbs you got that?"

"Yes. " BJ replied.

"Good. I know how you doctors are – good at giving instruction but usually bad about following it." The doctor replied with a grin.

Hawkeye laughed. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he follows doctor's orders. He won't overdo things, not on my watch."

The doctor smiled. "Good. Well BJ you're free to go. The nurse will be in shortly with your release papers. I'll see you in a few days for a follow-up." He got up and left, casually waving to Hawkeye.

Hawkeye walked over to BJ and dropped a bag down on the bed next to him. "I figured you probably needed a change of clothes to wear."

"Thanks. I wasn't looking forward to having to wear a hospital gown home. I certainly don't need to give anyone a peep show." He replied. He picked up the bag and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He was back out a few minutes later dressed casually. He sat in the chair dropping his loafers on the floor trying – unsuccessfully – to get them on. He grumbled under his breath when he realized that not only did he need to get them on but he also needed to tie them. That was bound to cause his ribs a little pain.

Without a word Hawkeye came over crouching down in front of him and slid his loafers on, tying each.

The nurse came in with all the requisite paperwork and BJ signed off on everything. Ten minutes later they were walking out of the hospital, BJ under his own power having refused the wheelchair ride to the car. The drive home was made in silence.

Back at the house they settled down in the living room. They were both awkward and slightly uncomfortable. This situation was new to them. In the past when they were home alone together they either went out on some new adventure of Hawkeye's or more often spent it in bed together. Even back in Korea when they had first met they had never felt awkward around each other. Conversation had always flown easily.

Searching for a safe topic BJ brought up the world of medicine. That did the trick in breaking the ice and they spent the rest of the morning and afternoon discussing the latest techniques, patients, etc.

Erin returned home from school at 3:30pm and the rest of the day passed quickly. Erin talked about school over dinner and sat on the couch in the living room doing homework while BJ and Hawkeye watched television. They all went to their respective bedrooms shortly before 10:00pm that evening calling it a night.

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Hawkeye got a good night's sleep – no sleeping pills taken to aid him and no dreams intruded on his sleep either. He was stretching in bed the next morning when he heard a bang followed by a thud coming from the direction of BJ's bedroom. He got up and pulled on a t-shirt and pants then wandered down the hall to BJ's room.

"BJ? Are you okay?" he asked as he approached BJ's room. The door was open and in a glance the scene registered. BJ was laying awkwardly on the floor both hands holding his head.

"BJ?" Hawk asked again as he walked into the bedroom moving quickly to BJ's side, crouching down.

"Oh god my head!" BJ gasped, pain evident in his voice.

"Headache?" Hawk asked quietly.

"Yeah, a bad one. I tried to get up and take one of my pills but got dizzy and fell."

"Damn fool! You should have called for me! Hopefully you didn't cause any further damage to your ribs. Let's get you up and back in bed."

Hawk wrapped an arm around BJ and slowly stood, dragging BJ up with him. BJ gasped, one hand moving to his chest. Hawkeye got him into bed helping him into a lying position then drew the covers back up over him.

"Where are the pills the doctor gave you?" he asked.

"Bathroom." BJ gasped quietly.

Hawkeye went into the master bedroom bathroom and spotted the pill bottle on the counter. He shook out two pills, ran a glass of water and went back into the bedroom. He set them down on the night stand then helped BJ into a sitting position, handing him the pills and glass of water. BJ swallowed the pills and most of the water before pushing it away. Hawkeye helped lay BJ back down. He disappeared back into the bathroom and returned a minute later with a cool damp washcloth.

BJ was lying with his eyes closed, his face pale and drained of all color. Hawkeye sat on the bed next to him gently placing his hands on each side of his face at his hairline gently rubbing BJ's temples with his fingertips.

Feeling the touch BJ opened his eyes meeting Hawkeye's concerned gaze. "What are you doing?"

"I read an article in a medical journal about the benefits of massaging the temples to reduce headaches. Just relax." Hawkeye responded.

BJ closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the gentle message Hawk was giving him. His head was pounding fiercely – his worst hangover times about 10. He felt a cool wash cloth being placed on his forehead and drifted to sleep with Hawk's fingertips still lightly massaging his temples.

Hawk continued the massage for several minutes even after BJ's breath had deepened, indicating BJ was asleep. He looked down into the face of the man he was still hopelessly in love with. This was the first time he had touched BJ since the day of The Argument. He had made a half-hearted attempt at dating two years after he had returned back to Maine – one date really – but it had ended in disaster. They hadn't argued or anything but Hawk kept comparing her to BJ and finding fault in everything. They finally got through dinner and Hawk had taken her home immediately after, quietly thanking her for a nice evening.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with his dad that night. Daniel was in the living room the radio playing quietly in the background as he read a Zane Gray novel. He'd looked up in surprise when his son came walking into the living room and disgustedly threw himself down on the couch.

"I didn't expect you back home so early." He commented.

Hawk barked out a sharp laugh at that. "Of course you didn't. Wine and candlelight over dinner, a stroll along the beach, a little tumble in the hay and I come strolling back home in the early morning hours."

Hawkeye's reputation as a skirt-chaser was certainly well-known by his father. "I take it the date didn't go well."

"It was a polite disaster. It would have gone better had I dined with a mannequin."

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked his son.

Hawkeye took a long time before he replied. When he finally answered his tone was anguished. "Why can't I forget him, Dad? I wake up thinking about him, I go to bed thinking about him, I dream about him. When will it stop?"

Daniel studied his son, seeing the pain and loss in his son's eyes. Daniel had been surprised when Hawk disclosed his love for BJ. Daniel never saw it coming, never thought his son would fall for another man. But after finally meeting BJ and seeing them together he too had thought that Hawk had finally met his soul mate.

"I don't know. All things take time. The bigger the hurt the more time it takes to heal."

Hawkeye shook his head. "If there is one thing I've learned from my time in Korea it's that there are some things you never recover from."

Hawkeye was staring off into space, his gaze unfocused.

"Ben." Daniel waited patiently until his son finally turned back to him. "Why don't you call BJ? Or fly out to California and see him?"

Hawkeye was shaking his head even before his dad had finished speaking. "No way am I doing that. Why would you even suggest such a thing?" he asked almost desperately.

"Son it's obvious you still have unfinished business with him. Until you put that to rest you'll never move on. All I ask is that you give this some thought. You don't have to decide today or tomorrow."

Hawkeye had changed the subject then and so now here he was back in California watching his former lover sleep and wondering how much unfinished business they had and if there was still a chance for them after all.

Hawkeye got up and quietly left the room. Downstairs he went out the back door and sat in the porch swing - the same porch swing that had been a gift to him from BJ to remind him of home - slowly rocking back and forth and wondering when he had become a coward. He had stood up and fought the Army tooth and nail the entire time he was in Korea, had even broke into the Peace Talks for christ's sake. Yet here he was scared to death to initiate a simple discussion with BJ about their relationship.

Unable to sit still – he'd done nothing but sit the whole time he'd been here – he got up and wandered the yard. The grass needed cutting and there were some weeds sprouting up. He went into the garage and came out with the lawn mower, taking his time mowing the yard. Finished with the mower, he moved on to the weeding. He found the yard work oddly relaxing. He sprayed off the lawn mower and put it and the weeding tools back away when he was finished.

He went into the house and took a shower to clean up then went and checked on BJ. He was still sleeping soundly so Hawkeye went back downstairs and made himself a sandwich, grabbed a bag of potato chips and a beer and sat down at the table to eat.

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BJ was dreaming. They were sitting at the dinner table – his dinner table – and his mother was asking when his roommate was going to get his own place. Hawkeye was angry and kept asking him why he hadn't told. BJ was confused – why hadn't he told what?

Then it changed and his mother was wagging her finger at him telling him he was just confused, that he wasn't REALLY one of THOSE. What was one of THOSE? You know very well what kind of "THOSE" I'm referring to his mother kept saying.

His father was standing in front of him looking insulted and he tried giving a letter back to BJ. No, BJ realized looking at what was in his father's hand – it wasn't a letter. It was a check – BJ had given the check to his dad and his dad was trying to give it back.

BJ glanced away from his father and suddenly he was on the beach. Hawkeye was watching the ocean, his back to him telling BJ it was over, that he had lost his chance. BJ cried out, trying to grasp hold of Hawk's arm. Hawk was moving away from him – not moving his feet, just drifting further away out towards the sea, the smog enveloping him. NO! BJ kept calling out. NO! NO! NO!

Downstairs at the kitchen table Hawkeye paused, his sandwich half-way to his mouth. Hearing another shout of "NO" from BJ, he tossed his sandwich down on the plate and hastily left the kitchen hurrying to the front hall. Erin walked in the front door just as he was starting up the stairs. Another shout of "NO" and Erin dropped her books on the hall floor, running up the stairs behind Hawkeye.

Back in the bedroom the scene changed again and BJ was looking back at this mother. She was holding Erin in her arms and shaking her head at him. It wasn't normal and it was just all that time in Korea, Hawkeye had brainwashed him she was saying. You can't leave here, you'll destroy her life.

BJ tossed and turned as the jumbled images continued. It changed again and Erin was gone. He was in his parents' living room. His dad had a hand clamped firmly on his arm trying to prevent him from leaving. BJ was telling them it's his life and he was going. He mother was crying, screaming that he was going to destroy their lives. No, not their lives – BJ was going to destroy his parents' perfect country club life and how could he do this to them? BJ was finally at the end of his rope. He was yelling back at his parents – HIS parents – even as a child he had never raised his voice to them.

The scene changed again and BJ was in his car driving. His parents' words kept repeating themselves in his mind. He lifted one hand from the steering wheel and tiredly rubbed it over his face. When he removed it he was looking through the windshield at the dark road before him. Something was out there and BJ was barreling straight towards it. Too late BJ realized it was a person – a man – and as BJ stomped his foot down on the brake hard the car hurtled ever closer. The car was burning rubber as the tires squeeled on the pavement. Hawkeye's face appeared right in front of him. BJ jerked the wheel but cried out in anger and fear as he barreled into Hawkeye, hitting him full on, his body crashing into the windshield.

"Hawkeye NO!" BJ cried out, waking himself up in the process. He was in bed the bedcovers a jumbled mess about him. He was perspiring and breathing heavily. BJ turned his head towards the door as he heard running feet. It was Hawkeye – alive and in one piece with Erin right behind him.

"BJ? BJ are you all right?"

"Dad . . . what's wrong?"

BJ took a few deep breaths trying to relax. "It's okay." He said. "I'm all right. Everything's okay."

Hawkeye sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up BJ's hand checking his pulse. "BJ you are not all right. Your heart is racing. What's going on?"

BJ just shook his head silently.

"Dad? Should we take you back to the hospital? Maybe you came home too soon."

"No, I'm okay. It was just a bad dream . . . very disjointed."

"You sure it's nothing more than that?" Hawkeye asked and when BJ looked at him blankly explained. "Are you remembering what happened the night of the accident maybe? Memories sometimes come back in the form of dreams."

"No, I don't think so. Just . . . I sometimes have bad nightmares, that's all."

"I think it's more than that." Erin said. Both Hawkeye and BJ turned to her in surprise. "Well come on. First Daddy Hawk had a nightmare and now you. I don't think that's coincidental, do you?" she asked them.

Hawkeye looked down at the bed and realized he was still holding BJ's hand. He dropped it like a hot potato and got up, moving away from the bed.

"Hawk? You had a nightmare too?" BJ asked him.

Hawkeye didn't answer, just stared intently out the window.

"I went in to wake him up yesterday morning and he was having a bad dream. Why can't you two just talk to each other and get back together all ready? Haven't you both wasted enough time?" she said disgustedly and left the room.

BJ and Hawkeye were silent for several long minutes. Finally BJ sighed. "I guess we still have some unfinished business between us, don't we?" he asked quietly.

Hawkeye ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah." he said. "I guess we do."

"So what are we going to do about it?" BJ asked.

Hawkeye shrugged his shoulders. "I guess . . . before I head back to Maine we need to talk."

BJ nodded.

"So how's your headache?" Hawkeye asked.

"Much better - I think the head massage helped – thank-you." BJ replied sincerely.

"Sure. Well I'm going to go for a walk before dinner." Hawkeye turned on his heel and quickly left the room, closing the bedroom door quietly behind him.

BJ – mindful of his ribs – carefully got out of bed, pulling up the covers. In his bathroom he pulled out a wash cloth, ran it under warm water and wiped himself down. His mind kept going to the disjointed dream. Something was nagging at him. He didn't remember anything that had happened on the day of the accident and wondered if maybe Hawkeye was right and his memories were coming back in the form of the disjointed dream he'd had.

He carefully pulled on slacks and a button-up shirt and left his bedroom going downstairs to the small office off the main entry way. Sitting at his desk he opened his desk drawer and pulled out his check book. He had written a check the morning of the accident – it was made out to his father in the amount of $6,500.00. BJ sat dumbfounded. In his dream his father was trying to return a check – had that actually happened? BJ glanced down at this checkbook again – the word "school" was written in his own scrawl on the memo line. His father had for years told everyone within hearing that he had paid for his son's medical schooling. BJ had long been frustrated how his father kept finding every opportunity to mention that – it was always in a "it cost me dearly so you owe me" kind of tone. Apparently BJ had finally reached his limit and had decided to pay back his father.

He went to put his check book back in the drawer when a plain white envelope grabbed his attention. He picked it up and opened it, removing what was inside. It was a plane ticket for July – a one-way ticket to Portland, Maine. BJ sat holding the plane ticket as he suddenly had a flash of memory. The day of the accident he hadn't gone in to work. He had gone to see his friend Jake who worked at the airline. When Jake had asked why of all places he was going to Maine BJ had responded that he going to see an old friend.

BJ sat staring off into space as the memory came back. He only knew one person in Maine and that was Hawkeye. He looked down at his desk calendar and noted that the plane ticket was for the day after Erin was leaving on a camping trip with her friend and their family. So he had planned to go to Maine solo to see Hawkeye. He had certainly been thinking about going to see him ever since he found out Hawkeye had returned to Maine. It seems he had finally decided to act on it.

So the dream about the check was real and he had proof that he was going to Maine – to Hawkeye. He wondered if he had told his parents that. Based on the disjointed dream, his mother telling him he wasn't one of those and that he was going to ruin their perfect country club life – he was beginning to think maybe he had. He had spoken with Colonel Potter not too long ago and had told the Colonel he was going to see Hawkeye to try and make things right. In typical fashion he had replied "Well it took you long enough!"

BJ smiled briefly as he thought of his MASH friends. He had remained in regular contact with the Colonel, Margaret, and Father Mulcahay. He received letters 3 or 4 times a year from Radar and surprisingly even from Winchester. It was from Colonel Potter that he received confirmation Hawkeye had returned to Maine. BJ had assumed that was where Hawkeye went when their relationship ended but the colonel had confirmed it. He remembered that phone call well.

Two months after Hawkeye left BJ had answered his ringing phone on a Saturday morning and was warmly greeted by Potter. They had gone through the usual pleasantries and talked about their respective families before Potter quietly told BJ he'd recently had a phone call from Hawkeye. Hawk had told him he was back in Maine with his dad but Potter was sure Hawk had been drunk. BJ had stated only that they had argued and to please not question Hawk about it. They – he and Hawkeye – had never disclosed the nature of their relationship to anyone but he felt Potter had somehow known. Despite his advanced years Potter was pretty observant.

BJ sat at his desk deep in thought. He wanted – no _needed _– Hawkeye back in his life. But what did Hawk want? Would Hawk be able to forgive him?

tbc


	9. BJ's Parents

Hawk was feeling restless and knew he had to get out of there and fast. He practically ran out of BJ's bedroom and had to remind himself not to slam the door behind him. He was a jumble of nerves. He peeked in on Erin and asked her to keep an eye on her dad for a while. He then went downstairs and grabbed his opened beer from the table and headed out the door.

He walked up and down the streets. He found himself in a park about 2 miles from the house. He had been here more times than he could count. He and BJ would come here with Erin when she was small. She always begged to be pushed on the swings, giggling in delight as Hawkeye pushed her higher and higher. BJ would lean against the pole on the side of the swings his arms and legs crossed, watching with that smile of his.

Hawk sat down on the park bench. He knew he and BJ needed to talk. He just wasn't sure what would come of that – correction – he wasn't sure what he _wanted_ to come of it. Would they return to being friends – or something more? Admittedly it was the something more he wanted but he also didn't want to leave Maine and his dad again – especially since his dad was getting older.

There was also the question of their relationship. If things didn't work out between them this time and they separated again – well Hawkeye didn't think he could take further heartbreak where BJ was concerned. It had been hard on him when they had parted in Korea. Walking out on their relationship a few years ago had damn near killed him. He'd turned to drinking until his father had sat him down and had a talk with him.

"Hawkeye?"

He looked up, seeing a woman standing in front of him. It took a minute before he placed her – Maggie, the woman who had arrived at the hospital with Erin on Hawk's first day here. "Hi Maggie." He said quietly.

"Mind of I join you for a minute?" she asked.

Hawkeye gestured to the bench beside him. "Of course, please do"

She sat down next to him. "How's BJ doing?" she asked.

Hawkeye filled her on in BJ's condition.

"He misses you, you know." She said.

"I'm sorry?" Hawkeye questioned.

"I've known BJ for several years now. I would watch Erin after school and when he was called into the hospital for emergencies. We've become fairly good friends. He told me about you two."

"I'm surprised. It's been his practice in the past not to say anything." Hawkeye replied.

Maggie nodded. "I know." She said quietly. "The first time he told me about your relationship he was drunk. He let a lot slip that night. We've talked a few times since – he still loves you."

Hawkeye sat back and sighed heavily. "I'm not so sure about that."

Maggie smiled and patted him lightly on the arm. "I am." She said firmly. "It's in his eyes every time he mentions you. He told me he ruined the best relationship of his life. He's come to terms with himself, his family . . . you. It's not too late for you two, you know. Fight for what you want. I have to get going, it was nice meeting you." She got up and left quietly.

As twilight broke into his musings Hawkeye finally got up and wandered out of the park and back to the house. He had been gone for about 2 hours. No doubt BJ and Erin were eating dinner without him. He braced himself for their probing looks as he made the 35-minute walk back to the house. There was a car – a black Lincoln – parked in the driveway. BJ had a visitor.

Hawkeye opened the door to the house and stepped inside, shutting it behind him. He walked into the living room, pausing in the doorway as he heard a familiar voice. BJ was standing in front of the couch a frustrated expression on his face. An older man was standing next to a shorter woman – the woman was talking loudly shaking her finger at BJ. BJ's parents were here. "Oh lord, just what I don't need." Hawkeye thought to himself. He turned from the doorway intending to sneak quietly upstairs to the guest room but before he could move his presence was noticed by BJ's mother.

"YOU!" She screeched. "What are you doing here?"

BJ turned his head, seeing Hawkeye standing in the doorway.

"I'll go." Hawkeye said quietly.

"No." BJ said firmly. He moved around the couch to Hawkeye. "Please stay."

Hawkeye's face had taken on that shuttered look again – he was masking his feelings.

"BJ I don't want him here!" his mother protested.

BJ laid his hand gently on Hawk's shoulder as he responded. "I don't care what you want mother. He is my . . . dearest friend and will always be welcome in my home. If you don't like it you can leave." BJ may have been responding to his mother but he was looking at Hawkeye when he spoke.

Bea harrumphed loudly. Hawkeye and BJ both ignored her for the moment. Hawkeye's face was expressionless, revealing nothing. Only a faint tick above his right eyebrow gave any indication of emotion. BJ's face by comparison was incredibly pale and his eyes expressed an odd mix of pleading and determination.

Hawkeye nodded once in acknowledgement. "You look like you're going to pass out. Are you okay?"

"I'll be okay. Their appearance – along with my dream this morning - triggered my memories from the day of the accident. My last meeting with them wasn't . . . very pleasant."

"Where's Erin?"

"I sent her to her friend's house when they arrived."

"If you two are done ignoring me over there . . ." Bea interrupted.

BJ turned from Hawkeye to his parents. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"Your father and I were concerned about you. We came to see how you were doing. I can't believe you would even ask me that."

"I was in the hospital for 6 days. If you were truly concerned about me you would have called or come to visit." BJ replied quietly.

"Really BJ it's not like we can just drop everything and come running. And after the way you treated us, spoke to us the night of your . . . accident well what do you expect?"

BJ sighed. "I'm dealing with the after effects of a headache and I'm tired. Please get to the real point of your visit."

"Jay, do you hear how our son is speaking to me? This Benjamin is such a negative influence. I should have known from your visit last week that he was back."

"Your mother's right BJ, you aren't yourself. You never should have gone to Korea. Because of Korea you have divorced and hooked up with Benjamin" Jay Hunnicut added.

"Going to Korea was hardly my choice. And hooking up with Hawkeye is the smartest thing I ever did. I made a big mistake not going after him a few years ago." BJ again was looking at Hawkeye as he spoke.

"BJ you aren't really going to pursue a relationship with this . . . character are you?" Jay asked.

"I told you a week ago what my intentions where. It is not up for discussion nor am I asking for your approval."

"He is hardly the proper influence in Erin's life. We cannot allow you to expose her to such an indecent relationship. She will have to come live with your father and me." Bea was saying.

BJ shook his head. "Erin's not going anywhere, she stays with me."

"I'm sure her mother wouldn't appreciate this. Would she Jay?"

"No I don't think so." Jay agreed. "I thought you had more sense than this BJ. What has gotten into you?" Jay asked.

Hawkeye was stunned. Sure BJ had told him he didn't come from a supporting family but this was so very different from what he had imagined. How BJ had grown up to be such a caring, compassionate person was a mystery to him.

"Peg hasn't been in contact with Erin in over 10 years. Hawkeye and I are the ones who have been here for her, loving, supporting and nurturing her. Hawkeye has been much more of a parent to her than her own mother has."

Bea started crying. Jay wrapped one arm around her, consoling her. He turned to BJ. "We cannot condone this immoral relationship. If you persist in this behavior, BJ, if you persist in this relationship with this man then you give us no choice. You are no longer part of this family."

"BJ please . . . don't do this to your father and me." His mother pleaded.

"What about what you're doing to me?" BJ asked quietly. "You want me to deny who I am and you want to take my daughter away from me. I lost the love of my life because I was trying to gain your approval. If you can't support me and appreciate me for who I am then I don't need you in my life."

"You are dead to us." Bea exclaimed.

She moved past the couch passing through the living room into the front entry way and out the front door with Jay right behind her.

Several minutes passed before BJ finally spoke. "Well, that's that." He said.

Hawkeye moved into the living room as BJ finally turned around to look at him. "Maybe you should go after them."

"No Hawkeye. I don't fit into their life and they . . . well, they don't fit into mine either. Nothing I've ever done has measured up to their standards. I spent 2 years in a war zone and not once in all that time did they ever write to ask how I was doing. Colonel Potter has been more of a father to me than my own father ever was." BJ moved to the chair and sat down, gesturing to Hawk to join him.

After a brief hesitation Hawk moved to the other chair and sat, drumming his fingers on the armrest.

"Hawk the two biggest mistakes I made in my life were not telling my parents about us and not going after you when you left 4 years ago. Every day since then I've kicked myself over that."

"Why didn't you come after me?" Hawkeye asked quietly.

BJ sighed, absently running a hand over his pained ribs. "I was awake all night waiting for you to come back. I went looking for you on Sunday, looked everywhere I could think of. I rushed home from work that Monday hoping you would be here but when I noticed your things were gone . . . I called the hospital and they told me you'd resigned. That's when it sunk in just how deeply I had hurt you. I was afraid that you would reject me if I came after you. And then there were my parents. I was still struggling trying to come to terms with them."

"None of our Mash friends have asked about you or why I suddenly moved back home to Maine." Hawkeye said, a question in his tone.

"I told them I'd ruined our relationship and to not ask you about it unless you brought it up and wanted to talk. I didn't want anyone bothering you about it."

"I messed up to." Hawkeye admitted. BJ looked at him questioningly. "I didn't stay to hear you out. I kept hearing you saying you were embarrassed. I focused on that and on the fact that you had lied to me."

"I was wrong to lie to you. I knew my parents probably wouldn't take the news well but instead of discussing it with you I instead chose to bury it." BJ stared intently into Hawkeye's blue eyes. "Hawkeye you need to know this. I have never been embarrassed of you, of loving you, of our relationship. Ever! It was my parents' and their reaction I was embarrassed of."

Hawkeye read the intensity in BJ's eyes, heard the honesty in the tone of his voice. He nodded slowly. "Okay, BJ. So where do we go from here?"

"I want you in my life Hawkeye Pierce."

"As a friend or as - something more?" Hawkeye was staring intently at him.

"You are my soul-mate, Hawkeye. You're the only one I want to spend my life with. I had plans to go to Maine in July to fight for you."

Hawkeye wanted to believe him but he was also skeptical. BJ saw his skepticism and smiled slightly. "Erin is going on a camping trip with her friend and their family in July. On the day of my accident I bought a plane ticket to Maine for the same week – its sitting in my desk drawer. I went to see my parents that evening and gave my father a check paying him back for medical school and to tell them that I was going to Maine to try to get you back."

"That's what you argued with them about? Me?" Hawkeye was suddenly feeling guilty and responsible for BJ's parents walking out on him.

BJ reached out taking Hawkeye's hand in his own, clasping it. "No. We argued about me. My parents are very close-minded people. I don't fit into their definition of what is socially acceptable. They needed something to blame for it so they chose to blame it on Korea and you."

Before Hawkeye could formulate a reply the front door opened and closed and Erin appeared in the living room a minute later. "I'm hungry. What are we having for dinner?" she asked. Seeing her dad holding Hawkeye's hand she grinned. "Well that's an improvement!" she commented.

BJ grinned while Hawkeye just shook his head. "Maybe we can go out." BJ said.

Hawkeye silently studied BJ. It was true BJ looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. But he was still very pale and he sometimes rubbed his hand over his ribs. Hawkeye suspected BJ was still nursing a headache. "You need some rest BJ. I'll go make us some dinner."

BJ gave Hawkeye's hand a final pat and released it. Hawkeye went into the kitchen and 25 minutes later they were at the table eating Hawkeye's famous French toast. They watched a little tv after and then all went to bed.

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The next 3 days passed quickly. BJ was doing better every day and Hawkeye kept a close watch on his head which was also healing nicely.

While Erin was at school BJ and Hawkeye spent a lot of time talking. BJ disclosed to Hawkeye his childhood and college years and Hawkeye came away with a better understanding of what made BJ tick. And in true Hawkeye fashion when things got too intense or uncomfortable he would steer their discussion to other things such as the pranks they'd pulled on each other in Korea, their MASH friends, etc. They became more comfortable around each other, slipping into their old familiar camaraderie.

The evenings were spent with Erin in the living room chatting about school or watching television.

On Friday afternoon Hawkeye drove them to the local diner for lunch then to the doctor for BJ's follow-up appointment. The doctor deemed BJ out of danger and no longer in need of 24-hour care. He was ordered to one more week of rest before he could return to work. Both BJ and Hawkeye were silent after leaving the doctor's.

Hawkeye drove them back to the house. They were back 10 minutes when the phone rang. BJ answered. "Hello? Hi sir."

Hawkeye listened quietly for a few minutes. The caller knew BJ and from BJ's end of the conversation was obviously asking BJ about his condition and how he was doing. Finally BJ held the phone out to Hawkeye. "It's your dad." He said.

Hawkeye took the call, greeting his dad warmly. They spoke for several minutes, Hawkeye ending the call by promising to call his dad back with his travel arrangements. "I need to call the hospital." He told BJ. BJ nodded and left the living room to give Hawkeye some privacy.

Hawkeye called the hospital and spoke for about 10 minutes regarding a patient. After that he called the airline and scheduled a flight back to Maine for the next day. He found BJ 5 minutes later sitting on the porch swing. Hawkeye sat on the porch railing across from him. "I need to go back." He said quietly. "They have a chest case needing surgery. They're working on getting him stabilized and need me to operate either Sunday or Monday. I have a flight scheduled for tomorrow." He said.

BJ nodded. "Of course. You're needed." BJ couldn't help but be disappointed – he wasn't ready for Hawkeye to leave. They still hadn't discussed the future of their relationship.

"You'll be okay?" Hawkeye asked.

"I'll be fine. My ribs are still a bit sore but I'm back on the mend."

That evening at BJ's insistence they went out to dinner. They went to a quiet Italian restaurant where Hawkeye entertained Erin with stories of the pranks he and BJ pulled while over in Korea. The evening passed quickly.

In bed later on BJ lay awake all night listening to the faint sound of Hawkeye's pacing.

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Goodbyes at the airport the next morning were bittersweet. Erin flung herself into Hawkeye's arms hugging him fiercely. "I'm so glad you came. I've missed you so much, daddy Hawk."

"I've missed you too. Keep in touch okay, let me know how school's going." He said as he hugged her back. She nodded and finally stepped back away from him.

He turned to BJ, unsure whether he should offer his hand for a handshake or go for a hug. Things were still up in the air with them – they hadn't discussed the future of their relationship.

BJ reached out, both hands grasping Hawkeye's in a heart-felt hand-shake. "Thanks for coming Hawkeye. Call me tonight so I know you made it home safe."

Hawkeye nodded. "Take care, BJ. Don't overdo things."

BJ released Hawkeye and stood back next to Erin, watching as Hawkeye turned and moved towards the boarding gate. He felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

Hawkeye slowly walked towards the gate. Dammit, this wasn't how he wanted this to go. He stopped after only taking 15 steps. He took a deep breath and turned walking back to BJ and Erin. BJ moved forward a few steps meeting him. "So you were coming for me in July huh?"

BJ nodded. He didn't trust his voice enough to speak.

"Don't let that plane ticket go to waste BJ. I'll treat you to a lobster dinner, okay?"

BJ grinned. "That sounds great, Hawkeye."

Hawkeye smiled back in response. Before he lost his nerve he embraced BJ in a quick, heartfelt hug then released him and turned rapidly walking to the gate.

tbc


	10. BJ Visits

The next two months passed quickly. BJ had fully recovered with the exception of the odd headache here and there. He sat down with Erin and discussed their future. If Hawkeye was willing BJ wanted to move them to Maine – Erin was in full support of the move and not at all concerned about having to make new friends. BJ felt himself starting to hope for a happy ending after all.

Hawkeye returned to Maine more light-hearted then he had felt in years, probably since before being shipped off to Korea even. Daniel noticed the change in his son immediately. True to his word Hawkeye called BJ after he arrived home. They continued to communicate by phone over the next two months. They got to know each other all over again, that special bond present since the day they first met all those years back in Korea only strengthening.

Finally July was here. After dropping Erin off at her friend's house BJ drove to the airport and boarded his flight to Maine. He'd called Hawkeye the night before and given Hawkeye his flight information – Hawkeye was picking him up at the airport. BJ was both excited and nervous. He'd been elated when Hawk had told him to come visit but he still didn't know what to expect.

Finally the plane touched down in Maine. To BJ it seemed like forever before he finally disembarked and walked through the gate into the terminal. Being taller than average gave him the advantage of seeing over the heads of the other passengers – his eyes scanned the crowd and came to rest on Hawkeye standing 40 feet away. BJ broke into a grin – Hawkeye was wearing a new Hawaiian shirt, his cowboy hat, and a dark blue pair of slacks. He walked up to Hawkeye and shook his head.

"You just couldn't resist the shirt could you?" he asked.

"Now what kind of host would I be if I greeted my weary traveler in boorish garb? It was this or my tux and flippers." Hawkeye responded.

Hawkeye pulled BJ in for a quick hug which BJ eagerly returned. Hawkeye patted him once on the back and pushed BJ away from him, studying him from head to foot. "You look good BJ – you've completely recovered from the accident then?" he asked.

"In the pink." BJ said.

"Well come on, let's get out of here."

They collected BJ's bags and left the airport. The drive from the airport in Portland to Crabapple Cove passed quickly as Hawkeye talked of the latest happenings in Crabapple Cove and the upcoming annual Lobster Fest.

An hour later they pulled into the driveway of a two-story house at the end of the block. The house was separated slightly from the other houses on the block and while the house was one of the smaller ones it sat on a larger lot than the others.

The house was white with dark green trim. There was a small flight of stairs from the sidewalk up onto the front porch. To the right of the door was a porch swing. Hawkeye grabbed his bag out of the trunk of the car and lead the way into the house. The house had large, bright rooms – which didn't surprise BJ given Hawk's claustrophobia. Hawkeye gave him the tour – living room, large eat-in kitchen, bathroom, two bedrooms, and a television room with a large window looking out over the backyard.

"I've put you in the larger guest room BJ. I hope this is okay."

"It's great, Hawkeye. Thanks. "

"I sleep upstairs. The previous owner converted it into a large master bedroom complete with bathroom, small study, and a balcony facing the ocean. If you need anything just let me know."

"You've thought of everything Hawk."

"I've got homemade spaghetti sauce going on the stove. I'll get the spaghetti going – we should be eating in about 30 minutes. Come join me in the kitchen after you're settled." Hawk said and left BJ in the guest room.

BJ checked out the guest room. It was a nice-sized room with a small walk-in closet. It had a double-bed with matching nightstands on each side, a chest of drawers opposite the bed, and under a window a small desk with a lamp. BJ walked over to gaze out the window and saw the ocean. It was a magnificent view – the ocean was about 40 yards from the house. He imagined if he opened the window he would hear the waves gently crashing up on shore.

He unpacked quickly. He pulled two pictures out of his bag – the first Erin's latest school picture, the other of him and Hawkeye on the beach shortly before their break-up. He set them both on the nightstand then stowed his empty bag inside the closet. He left the bedroom and wandered down the hall to the kitchen.

He set the table and 20 minutes later they were eating a spaghetti dinner and sipping wine. They demolished the spaghetti while debating the merits of Igor's cooking back at the 4077th. After cleaning up Hawkeye grabbed the bottle of wine and gestured to BJ to follow as he led the way through the sliding glass doors and across the yard to sit on the grass at the edge of the beach. They drank wine and spoke of their patients and the latest medical break-trough's.

Two hours later the bottle of wine was empty and Hawkeye and BJ were both a little tipsy. They picked themselves up and wandered back into the house into the kitchen. Hawkeye set their dirty wine glasses on the counter next to the sink and turned around, almost running into BJ. He put a hand on BJ's chest to steady himself and felt the steady thumping of BJ's heart. They gazed at each other, seeing a hint of wanting in each other's eyes. BJ finally lowered his eyes from Hawkeye's and his heart speeded up slightly as his gaze landed on Hawkeye's lips. Hawkeye was rubbing BJ's chest lightly where his hand had landed.

The ringing telephone broke the quiet and Hawkeye stepped back reluctantly, dropping his hand to his side. BJ stepped back also, reminding himself to take slow, steady breaths. The moment broken, Hawkeye moved across the room to answer the phone.

"Hello?" He paused, listening for a moment. "Yeah, sure I'll drive over and check on her. Yeah, he arrived today. Okay, goodnight dad." He hung up the phone and turned to BJ. "I have to do a house call for dad in the morning but after that the day is ours. I figured we'd go fishing. How's that sound?"

BJ nodded. "That sounds great, Hawk."

"We'll leave at 9:00am okay?"

"I'll be ready. Goodnight Hawk." BJ responded and quietly left the kitchen heading to the guest room.

Hawkeye stood in the kitchen for a good 5 minutes after BJ left before heading up the stairs to his own room. Surprisingly he fell asleep quickly – his sleep no doubt aided by the benefits of the wine they had drunk.

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Hawkeye had packed a picnic lunch, loaded up the fishing gear, and was making breakfast when BJ wandered into the kitchen shortly after 8:00am. Hawkeye turned off the stove and turned, a skillet in one hand and a spatula in the other.

"BJ you're up! And just in time for my famous scrambled eggs and bacon too – pull up a chair and sit."

Hawkeye was wearing a gray t-shirt and blue jeans. He looked good enough to . . . BJ shook his head. "No, don't go there." He thought.

He sat down at the table and Hawkeye served him scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon. Hawkeye dished out his own plate and they sat down to eat while Hawkeye spoke of the patient he was stopping by to see.

They left at 9:00am, Hawkeye driving. They stopped at the patient's house and shortly after 10:00am they were pulling into the small marina. They grabbed the gear and BJ followed Hawkeye down the pier to the boat.

As they were getting ready to load up the boat they heard running footsteps and a male voice calling "Hawk? Hawkeye hold up. It's an emergency!"

They both turned in the direction of the voice. The man was about 5'10" with light brown hair sporting a neatly trimmed beard and moustache. He was wearing a police officer's uniform.

"Toby? What's wrong?"

He gave BJ a curt nod then focused on Hawkeye. "It's the Jenkins kid. That fool boy was showboating for his friends again and crashed. The bike landed on top of him. One leg is mangled up pretty bad and he has a chest injury. Doc Grayson says he can attempt the surgery but you're the expert. I can get you to the hospital, can you come?"

"Dammit!" Hawkeye swore. He motioned to BJ and they hurriedly dropped their supplies in the boat and turned to run after Toby back the way they had come to his waiting police car. They scampered in quickly. Toby slammed the car into gear, turned on the sirens and hit the accelerator.

"I told Ricky after his last accident to get rid of that damn motorcycle. Just how bad is he?" Hawkeye asked.

"Bad." Toby responded. "Doc thinks Ricky's going to lose his leg. There's something going on with the chest too, Ricky's coughing up blood. They're trying to get him stabilized for surgery."

They made the hour drive to the hospital in 25 minutes. As soon as the police car came to a halt in front of the emergency room doors Hawkeye jumped out and went running into the hospital, BJ hot on his heels. Without slowing his stride Hawkeye asked the nurse at the nurse's station where Ricky was and kept on going even as she answered.

He was in pre-op being tended by an older doctor who by his appearance looked like he should have retired about 10 years ago.

"Hawkeye thank god they found you. You got here just in time." The doctor spent 10 minutes filling him in on Ricky's condition. "We're short surgeons right now. Jack's working on a heart case and I have a ruptured appendix they're prepping in 3. We tried reaching Owen but no luck."

"Ricky needs two surgeons, Dr. G." Hawkeye told him.

"Hell I know it. I can have the appendix done in 30 minutes and come help you."

"I don't think his leg can wait that long." Hawkeye looked over at BJ who had been silent this whole time. "BJ how's your knife hand?"

BJ grinned. "Couldn't be better. It's been awhile since we were last partners in crime."

Hawkeye laughed. "Repeat performance here we go." He turned back to the older doctor. "My friend here is a surgeon, we served together in Korea. He'll operate with me. I'll vouch for him and if the board pitches a fit tell them to take it up with me."

The older doctor nodded, looking relieved. "Thanks."

BJ and Hawkeye scrubbed up and 10 minutes later they were in the operating room accompanied by two nurses and the anesthesiologist.

"Okay people here we go. I'll take the chest BJ, you take the leg."

BJ nodded and they got to work. Hawkeye got the bleeding under control, repaired the punctures to his lung, and removed the damaged spleen in record time. He closed the chest then moved down to assist BJ on the leg. It was like old times working together. They had operated together so many times while in Korea that they didn't even need to communicate to each other. They worked quickly rebuilding the leg and performing the necessary arterial graft. One hour into the surgery Dr. G and Hawkeye's dad Daniel had scrubbed up and quietly slipped into the operating room. They stood back quietly watching the surgery take place before them. Daniel watched his son in action – his quick, sure movements, his attention to detail, his care for the patient. On one hand Daniel was very proud – he had always suspected his son was a good surgeon but actually seeing him in action was quite extraordinary. On the other hand he was a little disappointed – he was hoping to leave his practice to his son and fully retire. But watching his son in action he finally had to acknowledge that his son was more valuable – more needed – at the hospital as a surgeon and not stuck in some small country practice.

3 ½ hours later the surgery was completed. Ricky was wheeled into post-op for close observation while the doctors headed out of the operating room and discarded their surgical garb.

"That boy owes his life to the two of you." Dr. G said.

Hawkeye waved it off.

"You're a good surgeon, Hawkeye." His dad said quietly.

"Dad . . . what are you doing here?" Hawkeye asked in surprise, finally noticing his father's appearance.

"I had to come see what fool trouble Ricky got himself into this time. I also wanted to see you in action. Besides I figured you'd need a ride back home. " His gaze settled on BJ. "You did a fine job on his leg."

BJ nodded in acceptance. "Thank-you, Sir. I'm just glad I was here to help."

"BJ, the hospital can use another gifted surgeon. Are you looking for a job?" Dr. G asked.

BJ's future was uncertain. He gave the only answer he could. "I live out in California with my daughter, sir." He responded.

"That figures! Well if you ever decide to come to Maine give me a call. I'd be happy to have you on staff." With a wave Dr. G left.

"Well, should we get going?" Daniel asked. "I figure we can stop for dinner once we get back to Crabapple Cove."

"That sounds good, dad. I just want to check on Ricky once more before we leave and speak to his parents."

They left the hospital 30 minutes later after checking on Ricky and assuring his parents he would recover. Hawkeye and his dad chatted easily but BJ was feeling uncomfortable. Daniel had greeted BJ and complimented his skills but he had also noticed the measured looks Daniel was giving him. He was pretty sure Daniel had a few things to say to him regarding Hawkeye and while he didn't blame Daniel – Hawkeye was his son after all and no parent liked seeing their child hurting - it also made him nervous and edgy. He tried to relax and join in the conversation.

They drove into the heart of downtown Crabapple Cove – really only 2 or 3 blocks – and pulled into the parking lot of Mel's Seafood and Fish Restaurant. They walked in and were seated at a booth – BJ on one side, Daniel and Hawkeye on the other. Kathy their waitress – who obviously knew Daniel and Hawkeye well – chatted with them for a few minutes before confirming they wanted their usual then asking BJ for his order. She returned a few minutes later with drinks – 2 martinis and a scotch - and left again.

Hawkeye excused himself and left heading down the short hallway to the restrooms. BJ sat fiddling with his martini glass looking everywhere but at Daniel. After a few minutes of silence when Daniel still hadn't spoken, BJ finally looked up meeting his gaze.

Daniel smiled slightly then spoke. "BJ I know my son has his faults – he isn't innocent by any means. And he certainly doesn't need me fighting his battles for him. I just have one question – are you still in love with him?"

"Yes sir I am."

"He was pretty torn up when he first returned home. He spent 3 months in a drunken stupor. I don't want to see him go through that again."

"He won't. I lost him once sir – I'm not going to lose him again. I give you my word."

Daniel studied BJ in silence. Before he could respond Hawkeye returned to the table and sat down. Picking up immediately on the telling quiet he looked from his dad to BJ and back to his dad again. "Dad? You didn't . . . ?" he questioned.

Daniel patted Hawkeye's hand. "We're fine. So BJ there must be a Korean story lurking somewhere about Hawkeye I haven't heard about." Daniel's eyes gleamed mischievously.

BJ laughed. "Well there was the time he lost the bet and had to sing in his skivvies in the mess tent."

Hawkeye groaned. "There's nothing to tell!" he exclaimed.

"Hush, Hawkeye. So BJ, what happened?"

BJ started telling about his ultimate prank on Hawkeye as their meal was served. Talk of Korea and their antics carried them through dinner and on the short ride to the marina where Daniel dropped them off. He gave a wave as he drove away.

tbc


End file.
